The Humour of America: Selected, with an Introduction and Index of American Humorists
General
The Humour of America: Selected, with an Introduction and Index of American Humorists
American wit and humor
Scarcely had she got over this, when she was invited to a ball by Mrs.
Hubblebubble, and the first thing she saw on entering the drawing-room
was a suite of damask curtains and chairs, as much like her own as two
peas, only the curtains had far handsomer fringe. Mrs. Shuttle came very
near fainting away, but escaped for that time, determined to mortify
this impudent creature by taking not the least notice of her finery. But
St. Nicholas ordered it otherwise, so that she was at last obliged to
acknowledge they were very elegant indeed. Nay, this was not the worst,
for she overheard one lady whisper to another that Mrs. Hubblebubble’s
curtains were much richer than Mrs. Shuttle’s.
“Oh, I daresay,” replied the other—“I daresay Mrs. Shuttle bought them
second-hand, for her husband is as mean as pursley.”
This was too much. The unfortunate woman was taken suddenly ill—called
her carriage, and went home, where it is supposed she would have died
that evening had she not wrought upon Amos to promise her an entire new
suite of French furniture for her drawing-room and parlour to boot,
besides a new carriage. But for all this she could not close her eyes
that night for thinking of the “second-hand curtains.”
Nor was the wicked Mrs. Doubletrouble a whit better off when her friend
Mrs. Hubblebubble treated her to the agreeable surprise of the French
window curtains and chairs. “It is too bad—too bad, I declare,” she said
to herself; “but I’ll pay her off soon.” Accordingly she issued
invitations for a grand ball and supper, at which both Mrs. Shuttle and
Mrs. Hubblebubble were struck dumb at beholding a suite of curtains and
a set of chairs exactly of the same pattern with theirs. The shock was
terrible, and it is impossible to say what might have been the
consequences, had not the two ladies all at once thought of uniting in
abusing Mrs. Doubletrouble for her extravagance.
“I pity poor Mr. Doubletrouble,” said Mrs. Shuttle, shrugging her
shoulders significantly, and glancing at the room.
“And so do I,” said Mrs. Hubblebubble, doing the same.
Mrs. Doubletrouble had her eye upon them, and enjoyed their
mortification, until her pride was brought to the ground by a dead shot
from Mrs. Shuttle, who was heard to exclaim, in reply to a lady who
observed the chairs and curtains were very handsome—
“Why yes, but they have been out of fashion in Paris a long time; and,
besides, really they are getting so common that I intend to have mine
removed to the nursery.”
Heavens! what a blow! Poor Mrs. Doubletrouble hardly survived it. Such a
night of misery as the wicked woman endured almost made the good St.
Nicholas regret the judgment he had passed upon these mischievous and
conceited females. But he thought to himself he would persevere until he
had made them a sad example to all innovators upon the ancient customs
of our forefathers.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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