The Humour of America: Selected, with an Introduction and Index of American Humorists
General
The Humour of America: Selected, with an Introduction and Index of American Humorists
American wit and humor
“He didn’t ask Mis’ Pipperidge to come and stay there and help him, nor
nothin’ o’ that kind; but he said he’d attend to matters himself. The
fact was, the parson had got such a likin’ for havin’ Huldy ’round, that
he couldn’t think o’ such a thing as swappin’ her off for the Widder
Pipperidge.
“‘But,’ he thought to himself, ‘Huldy is a good girl; but I oughtn’t to
be a leavin’ everything to her—it’s too hard on her. I ought to be
instructin’ and guidin’ and helpin’ of her; ’cause ’tain’t everybody
could be expected to know and do what Mis’ Carryl did;’ and so at it he
went; and Lordy massy! didn’t Huldy hev a time on’t when the minister
began to come out of his study, and wanted to ten ’round and see to
things? Huldy, you see, thought all the world of the minister, and she
was ’most afraid to laugh; but she told me she couldn’t, for the life of
her, help it when his back was turned, for he wuzzled things up in the
most singular way. But Huldy, she’d jest say, ‘Yes, sir,’ and get him
off into his study, and go on her own way.
“‘Huldy,’ says the minister one day, ‘you ain’t experienced out doors;
and when you want to know anything, you must come to me.’
“‘Yes, sir,’ said Huldy.
“‘Now, Huldy,’ says the parson, ‘you must be sure to save the turkey
eggs, so that we can have a lot of turkeys for Thanksgiving.’
“‘Yes, sir,’ says Huldy; and she opened the pantry-door, and showed him
a nice dishful she’d been a savin’ up. Wal, the very next day the
parson’s hen-turkey was found killed up to old Jim Scroggs’s barn. Folks
say Scroggs killed it; though Scroggs, he stood to it he didn’t; at any
rate, the Scroggses, they made a meal on’t, and Huldy, she felt bad
about it ’cause she’d set her heart on raisin’ the turkeys; and says
she, ‘Oh, dear! I don’t know what I shall do, I was just ready to set
her.’
“‘Do, Huldy?’ says the parson: ‘why, there’s the other turkey, out there
by the door; and a fine bird, too, he is.’
“Sure enough, there was the old tom-turkey a-struttin’ and a-sidlin’,
and a-quitterin’, and a-floutin’ his tail feathers in the sun, like a
lively young widower, all ready to begin life over again.
“‘But,’ says Huldy, ‘you know _he_ can’t set on eggs.’
“‘He can’t? I’d like to know why,’ says the parson. ‘He _shall_ set on
eggs, and hatch ’em too.’
“‘Oh, doctor!’ says Huldy, all in a tremble; ’cause, you know, she
didn’t want to contradict the minister, and she was afraid she should
laugh—‘I never heard that a tom-turkey would set on eggs.’
[Illustration: “SHE FOUND OLD TOM A-SKIRMISHIN’ WITH THE PARSON.”]
“‘Why, they ought to,’ said the parson, getting quite ’arnest. ‘What
else be they good for? You just bring out the eggs, now, and put ’em in
the nest, and I’ll make him set on ’em.’
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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