_Koch._ (_without_). I know you’ll sneak away again. _Pod._ (_without_). No, I won’t; I won’t, indeed! (_Enter_ KOCHKARYÒV.) _Koch._ What next! wants to set a strap right! _Yaìch._ (_to him_). Be so kind as to tell me,—Is the young lady an idiot? _Koch._ What do you mean? Has anything happened? _Yaìch._ Her behaviour is most extraordinary. All of a sudden she ran away, screaming out, “He’ll beat me! he’ll beat me!” It’s enough to mystify the devil! _Koch._ Yes; she gets like that sometimes; she’s weak in her head. _Yaìch._ May I ask if you’re a relative of hers? _Koch._ Oh! yes; I’m a relative. _Yaìch._ What is your relationship to her, if I may inquire? _Koch._ A—a—a, really, I don’t know. Let me see—my mother’s aunt was some relation to her father; or else her father was related to my aunt; my wife knows all about it; that’s a woman’s business, you know. _Yaìch._ Has her mind been affected long? _Koch._ Ever since she was a little child. _Yaìch._ A—a—a, yes—of course it would be better if she had more sense. But, after all, it’s not bad to have a foolish wife—once the other considerations are all right, you know. _Koch._ But, my good sir, she hasn’t a sixpence! _Yaìch._ What! But the stone house? _Koch._ Oh! it’s only called stone; but if you knew the way it’s built! It’s just coated over with stucco outside; but the walls are made of all kinds of rubbish—chips, and splinters, and rubble, and what-not. _Yaìch._ You don’t say so! _Koch._ Of course. Why, don’t you know the way houses are built nowadays? They only build houses so as to be able to mortgage them. _Yaìch._ But this house isn’t mortgaged, surely? _Koch._ How do you know that? It’s a good deal worse; it’s not only mortgaged, but the interest hasn’t been paid for the last two years. Then they’ve got a brother in the Senate, who has his eye on the house. He’s the most pettifogging hair-splitter that ever was born; the rascal would fleece his own mother of her last petticoat! _Yaìch._ But the old matchmaker told me.... Oh! the old hag! A monster in human.... (_Aside._) By the bye, though, he may be making it all up. I’ll submit the old woman to a strict interrogation. And, if it’s true, ... oh! I’ll give her something she won’t forget in a hurry! _Anoùch._ (_to KOCHKARYÒV_). Permit me, too, to trespass on your time with a question. Not being myself acquainted with the French language, I have great difficulty in discovering whether a woman knows French or not. Does the lady of the house—— _Koch._ She doesn’t know A from B. _Anoùch._ Is it possible? _Koch._ Oh! I know that very well! She was at boarding-school with my wife; and she was the idle one of the school—always in the dunce’s cap. And as for the French master, he used simply to beat her with a stick. _Anoùch._ Just imagine! The first minute that I saw her I had a sort of presentiment that she doesn’t know French.