He Started at Four or Five Years of Age and Has Worked on New Stunts Every Day of His Life 202 If a Rider Hit on His Head, It Was Me 211 It’s a Bigger Thing for Washington Than the Shriners’ Convention 216 They Not Only Have to Be Lawyers, But Political Lawyers 219 They Are from Tulsa. I Will Be Right Out 226 I Object to the Senator from Massachusetts’ Slurring Remarks 236 “There’s a Bellboy at My Hotel and He Just Got It From the Chauffeur of a Prominent Oil-Man” 248 They Rehearsed Their Old Act Here Yesterday 268 “You Wasn’t Here and You Know Them as Well as I Do” 278 Well, I Guess You Heard About My Presidential Boom 286 The Deaths from Old Age Among the Delegates Is About Offset by the Birthrate 291 “If They Haven’t Got Enough Water in There to Fill the Harbor, We Will Have to Ask the Neighbors to Drain Their Corn Liquor” 322 “If You Don’t Get Well and Throw Away Your Crutches I Get Nothing Out of It” 344 INTRODUCTION This book should have been long before now on the Bookshelves of every reader of worth while Literature in the English speaking World, in addition to being well worn in our best reference Libraries, and should have been already translated into every known and unknown tongue. What you will immediately ask delayed such an important event? Well the principal reason is it had not been written, and the next is We had no introduction for it. You let a Book go out without an Alibi by some other writer, and it is practically a commercial suicide. When the Publishers were all clamoring for a Book from me, and were practically annihilating (Boy there is a word I never used before in my life and I hope it fits in, I read it in some War Novel) each other for the Publishing rights and assured profits, they of course felt that through my wide Literary acquaintance, gained during years of association at the Democratic National Convention, and the late World Series with some of the best contemporary Writers of modern times, I should through my Literary standing and personal friendship, allow some of them to have the honor of penning the introduction to this Time Table of National Catastrophes.