WHAT WE NEED IS MORE FRED STONES 203 ONE OIL LAWYER PER BARREL 217 ANOTHER CONFESSION IN THE OIL SCANDAL 227 THE WHOLE TRUTH AND NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH 237 WELL, WHO IS PRUNES? 249 POLITICS GETTING READY TO JELL 261 TWO LONG-LOST FRIENDS FOUND AT LAST 269 THEY NOMINATED EVERYBODY BUT THE FOUR HORSEMEN 279 IN THE MIDST OF A 7-YEAR HITCH 287 “WILL ROGERS, JR.” REPORTS THE CONVENTION FOR HIS FATHER, WORN OUT BY LONG SERVICE 297 ROPING A CRITIC 305 “THE WORLD TOMORROW,” AFTER THE MANNER OF GREAT JOURNALISTS[A] 313 SETTLING THE AFFAIRS OF THE WORLD IN MY OWN WAY 323 A SKINNY DAKOTA KID WHO MADE GOOD 333 TAKING THE CURE, BY THE SHORES OF CAT CREEK 345 FOOTNOTES: [A] With apologies to Arthur Brisbane. ILLUSTRATIONS The Illiterate Digest Office _Frontispiece_ PAGE You Are Going to Get the Low-Down on Some of Those Birds Who Are Sending Home the Radish-Seed 26 They Are Carpeting All the Halls of the Senate So in Case of a Fall There Will Be No Serious Loss 31 As I Opened the Door to Let Her in 2 of Our Dogs and 4 Cats Came In 46 Birds That Never Can Tell the Servants from the Guests 53 I Would Invent a Triangle Shape Slide That Could Be Pushed Under the Plate 56 Song Writers Should Be Segregated and Made to Sing Their Songs to Each Other 76 Why Can’t I Do Something With Second-Hand Gum? 86 The More Glasses You Used the More Eclipse You Could See 98 I Just Happened to Remember That No One Had Said a Word for California 110 I Want to Do Something for the Home Town Girl So She Can Stay at Home and Show How and What She Is Made Of 120 So I Got Me Some of Those Long-Handled Wooden Hammers and Started in at Polo 130 The Family Wash-Tub Was Dragged Up By the Fire 140 Finally a Warden Knocked at My Dressing Room and Said: “You Die in 5 More Minutes for Kidding Your Country” 158 I Could Just Sorter Nonchalantly Step on the Bride’s Train 170 If Mr. Ford Had Been Elected We Would Have Been the Mouthpiece of the Administration 192