I went downstairs and joined the rest of my fellow-boarders in the
brown and gold dining-room. There was a general stir and bustle and
the usual empty interest before a meal. A number of people seated
themselves with the good manners of polite society. Smiles, the sound
of chairs being drawn up to the table, words thrown out, conversations
started. Then the concert of plates and dishes began and grew steadily
louder.
My neighbours talked to those beside them. I heard their murmur, which
accentuated my aloneness. I lifted my eyes. In front of me a shining
row of foreheads, eyes, collars, shirtfronts, waists, and busy hands
above a table of glistening whiteness. All these things attracted my
attention and distracted it at the same time.
I did not know what these people were thinking about. I did not know
who they were. They hid themselves from one another. Their shining
fronts made a wall against which I dashed in vain.
Bracelets, necklaces, rings. The sparkling of the jewels made me feel
far away from them as do the stars. A young girl looked at me with
vague blue eyes. What could I do against that kind of sapphire?
They talked, but the noise left each one to himself, and deafened me,
as the light blinded me.
Nevertheless, at certain moments these people, because in the course of
conversation they thought of things they had at heart, revealed
themselves as if they were alone. I recognized the revelation of this
truth, and felt myself turning pale on remembering that other
revelation.
Some one spoke of money, and the subject became general. The assembly
was stirred by an ideal. A dream of grasping and touching shone
through their eyes, just as a little adoration had come into the eyes
of the servant when she found herself alone.
They recalled military heroes triumphantly, and some men thought, "Me,
too!" and worked themselves up into a fever, showing what they were
thinking of, in spite of their ridiculously low station and the slavery
of their social position. One young girl seemed dazzled, looked
overwhelmed. She could not restrain a sigh of ecstasy. She blushed
under the effect of an inscrutable thought. I saw the surge of blood
mount to her face. I saw her heart beaming.
They discussed the phenomena of occultism and the Beyond. "Who knows?"
some one said. Then they discussed death. Two diners, at opposite
ends of the table, a man and a woman who had not spoken to each other
and seemed not to be acquainted, exchanged a glance that I caught. And
seeing that glance leap from their eyes at the same time, under the
shock of the idea of death, I understood that these two loved each
other.
. . . . .
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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