She /was/ thinking of him. Doubled up, small as a child, she gazed
intently into the distance, at the man who was not there. She bowed to
this image like a suppliant, and felt a divine reflection from it
falling upon her--from the man who was not there, who was being
deceived, from the offended man, the wounded man, from the master, from
him who was everywhere except where they were, who occupied the immense
outside, and whose name made them bow their heads, the man to whom they
were a prey.
Night fell, as if shame and terror were in its shadows, over this man
and woman, who had come to hide their embraces in this room, as in a
tomb where dwells the Beyond.
. . . . .
He said to her:
"I love you!"
I distinctly heard those grand words.
I love you! I shuddered to the depths of my being on hearing the
profound words which came from those two human beings. I love you!
The words which offer body and soul, the great open cry of the creature
and the creation. I love you! I beheld love face to face.
Then it seemed to me that sincerity vanished in the hasty incoherent
things he next said while clasping her to him. It was as though he had
a set speech to make and was in a hurry to get through with it.
"You and I were born for each other. There is a kinship in our souls
which must triumph. It was no more possible to prevent us from meeting
and belonging to each other than to prevent our lips from uniting when
they came together. What do moral conventions or social barriers
matter to us? Our love is made of infinity and eternity."
"Yes," she said, lulled by his voice.
But I knew he was lying or was letting his words run away with him.
Love had become an idol, a thing. He was blaspheming, he was invoking
infinity and eternity in vain, paying lip service to it by daily prayer
that had become perfunctory.
They let the banality drop. The woman remained pensive for a while,
then she shook her head and she--/she/ pronounced the word of excuse, of
glorification; more than that, the word of truth:
"I was so unhappy!"
. . . . .
"How long ago it was!" she began.
It was her work of art, her poem and her prayer, to repeat this story,
low and precipitately, as if she were in the confessional. You felt
that she came to it quite naturally, without transition, so completely
did it possess her whenever they were alone.
She was simply dressed. She had removed her black gloves and her coat
and hat. She wore a dark skirt and a red waist upon which a thin gold
chain was hanging.
She was a woman of thirty, perhaps, with regular features and smooth
silken hair. It seemed to me that I knew her, but could not place her.
She began to speak of herself quite loudly, and tell of her past which
had been so hard.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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