The Ingoldsby Legends; or, Mirth and MarvelsIngoldsby, Thomas
General
The Ingoldsby Legends; or, Mirth and Marvels
Ingoldsby, Thomas
English fiction -- 19th century; English poetry -- 19th century; English wit and humor; Humorous poetry, English
There was a pause:--there _was_ a footstep--it sounded distinctly--it
reached the door--it hesitated, stopped, and--passed on.
Tom darted across the room, threw open the door, and became aware of
Mrs. Botherby toddling to her chamber, at the other end of the gallery,
after dosing one of the housemaids with an approved julep from the
Countess of Kent's "Choice Manual."
"Good night, sir!" said Mrs. Botherby.
"Go to the d--l!" said the disappointed ghost-hunter.
An hour--two--rolled on, and still no spectral visitation; nor did
aught intervene to make night hideous; and when the turret-clock
sounded at length the hour of three, Ingoldsby, whose patience and grog
were alike exhausted, sprang from his chair, saying,--
"This is all infernal nonsense, my good fellow. Deuce of any ghost
shall we see to-night; it's long past the canonical hour. I'm off to
bed; and as to your breeches, I'll insure them for the next twenty-four
hours at least, at the price of the buckram."
"Certainly.--Oh! thank'ee;--to be sure!" stammered Charles, rousing
himself from a reverie, which had degenerated into an absolute snooze.
"Good night, my boy! Bolt the door behind me; and defy the Pope, the
Devil, and the Pretender!--"
Seaforth followed his friend's advice, and the next morning came down
to breakfast dressed in the habiliments of the preceding day. The charm
was broken, the demon defeated; the light greys with the red stripe
down the seams were yet _in rerum naturâ_, and adorned the person of
their lawful proprietor.
Tom felicitated himself and his partner of the watch on the result of
their vigilance; but there is a rustic adage, which warns us against
self-gratulation before we are quite "out of the wood."--Seaforth was
yet within its verge.
* * * * *
A rap at Tom Ingoldsby's door the following morning startled him as he
was shaving;--he cut his chin.
"Come in, and be d--d to you!" said the martyr, pressing his thumb on
the scarified epidermis.--The door opened, and exhibited Mr. Barney
Maguire.
"Well, Barney, what is it?" quoth the sufferer, adopting the vernacular
of his visitant.
"The master, sir--"
"Well, what does he want?"
"The loanst of a breeches, plase your honour."
"Why, you don't mean to tell me--By Heaven, this is too good!" shouted
Tom, bursting into a fit of uncontrollable laughter. "Why, Barney, you
don't mean to say the ghost has got them again?"
Mr. Maguire did not respond to the young squire's risibility; the cast
of his countenance was decidedly serious.
"Faith, then, it's gone they are, sure enough! Hasn't meself been
looking over the bed, and under the bed, and _in_ the bed, for the
matter of that, and divil a ha'p'orth of breeches is there to the fore
at all:--I'm bothered entirely!"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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