AN eminent tallow-chandler was told that after his candles were burned down to the middle, not one of them would burn any longer. He was at first greatly enraged at what he deemed a gross falsehood; but the same evening he tried the experiment at home, and found it to be a fact, "that when burned to the middle, neither candle would burn _any longer_." MCLIX.--A REBUKE. A BRAGGART, whose face had been mauled in a pot-house brawl, asserted that he had received his scars in battle. "Then," said an old soldier, "be careful the next time you run away, and don't _look back_." MCLX.--A MODEL PHILANTHROPIST. "BOBBY, what does your father do for a living?"--"He's a _philanthropist_, sir."--"A what?"--"A phi-lan-thro-pist, sir,--he collects money for Central America, and _builds houses_ out of the proceeds." MCLXI.--GREAT CABBAGE. A FOREIGNER asked an English tailor how much cloth was necessary for a suit of clothes. He replied, _twelve_ yards. Astonished at the quantity, he went to another, who said _seven_ would be quite sufficient. Not thinking of the exorbitancy even of this demand, all his rage was against the first tailor: so to him he went. "How did you dare, sir, ask twelve yards of cloth, to make me what your neighbor says he can do for seven?"--"Lord, sir!" replied the man, "my neighbor can easily do it, he has but _three_ children to clothe, I have _six_." MCLXII.--TRUE AND FALSE. A BEGGAR asking alms under the name of a poor scholar, a gentleman to whom he applied himself, asked him a question in, _Latin_. The fellow, shaking his head, said he did not understand him. "Why," said the gentleman, "did you not say you were a poor scholar?"--"Yes," replied the other, "a _poor one_ indeed, sir, for I do not understand one word of _Latin_." MCLXIII.--NOT QUITE CORRECT. A HUNTSMAN, reported to have lived with Mr. Beckford, was not so correct in his conversation as he was in his professional employments. One day when he had been out with the young hounds, Mr. B. sent for him, and asked what sport he had had, and how the hounds behaved. "Very great sport, sir, and no hounds could behave better."--"Did you run him long?"--"They run him up-wards of five hours _successfully_."--"So then you _did_ kill him?"--"O no, sir; we lost him at last." MCLXIV.--A FOOL CONFIRMED. DR. PARR, who was neither very choice nor delicate in his epithets, once called a clergyman a _fool_, and there was probably some truth in his application of the word. The clergyman, however, being of a different opinion, declared he would complain to the bishop of the usage. "Do so," added the learned Grecian, "and my Lord Bishop will _confirm_ you." MCLXV.--PLEASANT. A COUNTRY dentist advertises that "he spares no pains" to render his operations satisfactory. MCLXVI.--ALERE FLAMMAN.