A GENTLEMAN who had an Irish servant, having stopped at an inn for several days, desired to have a bill, and found a large quantity of port placed to his servant's account, and questioned him about it. "Please your honor," cried Pat, "do read how many they charge me." The gentleman began, "One bottle _port_, one _ditto_, one _ditto_, one _ditto_,"--"Stop, stop, stop, master," exclaimed Paddy, "they are cheating you. I know I had some bottles of their _port_, but I did not taste a drop of their _ditto_." C.--COMPUTATION. AN Irish counsellor having lost his cause, which had been tried before three judges, one of whom was esteemed a very able lawyer, and the other two but indifferent, some of the other barristers were very merry on the occasion. "Well, now," says he, "I have lost. But who could help it, when there were an hundred judges on the bench?--_one_ and _two ciphers_." CI.--PRIMOGENITURE. AN Irish clergyman having gone to visit the portraits of the Scottish kings in Holyrood House, observed one of the monarchs of a very youthful appearance, while _his son_ was depicted with a long beard, and wore the traits of extreme old age. "Sancta Maria," exclaimed the good Hibernian, "is it possible that this gentleman was an _old man_ when his father _was born_!!" CII.--CHECK TO THE KING. ONE day James the Second, in the middle of his courtiers, made use of this assertion: "I never knew a modest man make his way at court." To this observation one of the gentlemen present boldly replied: "And, please your majesty, _whose fault is that_?" The king was struck, and remained silent. CIII.--A FALL IN MITRES. ONE of the wooden _mitres_, carved by Grinly Gibbons over a prebend's stall in the cathedral church of Canterbury, happening to become loose, Jessy White, the surveyor of that edifice, inquired of the dean whether he should make it fast: "For, perhaps," said Jessy, "it may fall on your reverence's head."--"Well! Jessy," answered the humorous Cantab, "suppose it does fall on my head, I don't know that _a mitre falling on my head_ would hurt it." CIV.--FALSE DELICACY. A PERSON, disputing with Peter Pindar, said, in great heat, that he did not like to be thought a scoundrel. "I wish," replied Peter, "that you had as great a dislike _to being a scoundrel_." CV.--A BAD HARVEST. THERE was much sound palpable argument in the speech of a country lad to an idler, who boasted his ancient family: "So much the worse for you," said the peasant; "as we ploughmen say, '_the older the seed the worse the crop_.'" CVI.--PROOF IMPRESSION.