But by-and-by his enthusiasm flagged. He had the whole score written
except the introduction, and inspiration for that failed him. He would
have to let it wait for a time, he said, and he smoked cigarettes,
while his manuscript lay upon the table in front of him. Pauline played
little bits from it on the piano, with all a beginner's clumsiness. It
was now that the intimacy between the two young people began to assume
a dangerous character. Lazare's brain was no longer occupied; and,
shut up with Pauline in a state of idleness, he began to feel for her
a warmer passion than before. She was so light-hearted and merry; so
affectionate and devoted. At first he thought that all he felt was a
mere impulse of gratitude, an amplification of that fraternal affection
with which she had inspired him ever since childhood. But by degrees
passion, hitherto dormant, awoke into life. In that younger brother he
was at last beginning to recognise a woman; and he flushed as she did
when he brushed against her. If their hands happened to meet, they
both looked confused and their breath came quickly, while their cheeks
crimsoned. And thus all the time they now spent alone together they
felt troubled and ill at ease.
Sometimes, to relieve them from embarrassment, Pauline would begin to
joke with all the frank boldness of her innocent, though well-read mind.
'By the way,' said she, one day, 'did I tell you that I dreamed that
your favourite Schopenhauer had received tidings in the other world of
our marriage, and that his ghost came to pay us a visit?'
Lazare laughed uneasily. He understood very well that she was poking
fun at his inconsistencies, but his whole being was now thrilled with
tenderness, which carried all his distaste for existence away.
'Don't be naughty, dear,' he said. 'You know that I love you.'
She assumed a chiding look.
'I am afraid you are inclined to put off the universal deliverance. You
are grovelling in egotism and delusions again.'
'Hold your tongue, you wicked tease!'
He sprang up and chased her round the room, as she continued to hurl
at him fragments of pessimistic philosophy with all the solemnity of a
doctor of the Sorbonne. But when he caught hold of her, he no longer
dared to keep her within his grasp, and pinch her for punishment as in
olden time.
One day when he was chasing her round the room, and had succeeded in
getting close, he clutched her by the waist. She broke into a ringing
laugh, while he, holding her against the wardrobe, quivered with
excitement as he felt her struggling.
'Ah! I have got you this time!' he cried.
Their faces were touching, and she still laughed, though in an uneasy
manner.
'Please let me go,' she entreated. 'I won't be naughty any more.'
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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