The King of Schnorrers: Grotesques and FantasiesZangwill, Israel
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The King of Schnorrers: Grotesques and Fantasies
Zangwill, Israel
Humorous stories; Jewish fiction; Jews -- England -- Fiction; London (England) -- Fiction
"Every necessity," he replied gravely. "Do you not see that I had to
arrange all my affairs and make my will before being born again,
because afterwards I should not be of legal age for ten years. At
first I thought of leaving all my money to myself and passing as my
own child, but there would have been difficulties. I was unmarried and
seventy-seven. Downton could easily pretend his septuagenarian master
had died in the African deserts, but he could not so easily patch up a
marriage there. I had no option, therefore, but to make Downton my
heir, and I have never had occasion to regret it from the day of my
rebirth to this, the day of my death. As soon as I was born we
returned to England, and I wrote my obituary and drove to the Press
Association with it. Downton took it into the office while I waited in
Fleet Street in the hansom. I can scarcely hope to convey to you an
idea of the intensity and agreeableness of my sensations at this
unprecedented epoch. The variegated life of Fleet Street gave
me the keenest joy: every sight and every sound--beautiful or
sordid--thrilled my nerves to rapture. I was interested in everything.
Imagine the delicious freshness of one's second year supervening upon
the jaded sensibilities of seventy-seven. All my wide and varied
knowledge of life lay in my soul as before, but transfigured. Over my
large experience of men and things was shed a stream of sunshine which
irradiated everything with divine light; every streak of cynicism
faded. I had the wisdom of an old man and the heart of a little child.
I believed in man again, and even in woman. I shed tears of pure
ecstasy; and when I heard a female of the lower classes say: 'Poor
little thing! What a shame to leave it crying in a cab!' I laughed
aloud in glee. She exclaimed: 'Ah! now it's laughing, my
petsy-wootsy!' Her conversation saddened me again, and I was glad I
had not burdened myself with a mother, and that I took my milk from a
bottle instead of a doting nurse. And how exquisite was this same
apparently monotonous menu of milk to an epicurean who had ruined his
digestion! I felt I was recuperating on a vegetarian diet, and I
rejoiced to think some years must elapse before I would care for
champagne or re-acquire a taste for full-flavoured Manillas. Perhaps
somewhat unreasonably, I was proud of my strength of will, which had
enabled me in one day to abandon tobacco without a pang, and
seven-course dinners without repining. I slept a good deal, too, at
this period, whereas I had previously been greatly exercised by
insomnia. But these joys of the senses were as nothing to the joys of
the intellect. An exquisite curiosity played like a sea-breeze about
my long-stagnant soul. All my early interests revived; worldly
propositions I had thought settled showed themselves unstable and
volant; everything was shaken by the moving spirit of youth. Theology,
poetry, and even metaphysics became alive; all sorts of unpractical
questions became suddenly burning.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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