The King of Schnorrers: Grotesques and FantasiesZangwill, Israel
General
The King of Schnorrers: Grotesques and Fantasies
Zangwill, Israel
Humorous stories; Jewish fiction; Jews -- England -- Fiction; London (England) -- Fiction
And in this manner, defiantly dodging the cabman, who several times
struck me unfairly behind his back, I drove through a labyrinth of
sordid streets to the Bethnal Green Museum. Here we alighted, and the
Viscount strolled about outside the iron railings, from time to time
anxiously scrutinising the church clock and looking towards the
fountain which only performs in the summer, and was then wearing its
winter night-cap. At last, as if weary of waiting, he walked with
sudden precipitation towards the turnstile, and was lost to view
within. After a moment I followed him, but was stopped by the janitor,
who, with an air of astonishment, informed me there was sixpence to
pay, it being a Wednesday. I understood at once why the Viscount had
selected this day, for there was no one to be seen inside, and it was
five minutes ere I discovered him. He was in the National Portrait
Gallery, before one of Sir Peter Lely's insipid beauties, which to my
surprise he was copying in pencil. Evidently he was trying to while
away the time. At eleven o'clock to the second he scribbled something
underneath the sketch, folded it up carefully, picked up his bundle
and walked unhesitatingly downstairs into the second gallery, where,
after glancing about to assure himself that the policeman's head was
turned away, he deposited the paper between two bottles of tape-worms,
and stole out through the back door. Feverishly seizing the sketch, I
followed him, but the policeman's eye was now upon me, and I had to
walk with dignified slowness, though I was in agonies lest I should
lose my man. My anxiety was justified; when I reached the grounds, the
Viscount was nowhere to be seen. I ran hither and thither like a
madman, along the back street and about the grounds, hacking my shins
against a perambulator, and at last sank upon a frigid garden seat,
breathless and exhausted. I now bethought me of the paper clenched in
my fist, and, smoothing it out, deciphered these words faintly
pencilled beneath a caricature of the Court beauty:--
"Not my fault you missed me. If you are still set on your folly, you
will find me lunching at the Chingford Hotel."
I sprang up exultant, new fire in my veins. True, the mystery was
darkening, but it was the darkness that precedes the dawn.
"_Cherchez la femme!_" I muttered, and darting down Three Colts Lane I
reached the Junction, only to find the barrier dashed in my face. But
half-a-crown drove it back, and I sprang into the guard's van on his
very heels. A shilling stifled the oath on his lips, and transferred
it to mine when I discovered I had jumped into the Enfield Fast.
Before I really got to Chingford it was long past noon. But I found
him.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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