The King of Schnorrers: Grotesques and FantasiesZangwill, Israel
General
The King of Schnorrers: Grotesques and Fantasies
Zangwill, Israel
Humorous stories; Jewish fiction; Jews -- England -- Fiction; London (England) -- Fiction
"_Médiâni!_" Flutter-Duck would begin.
"_Médiâni!_" little Rachel would lisp in her piping voice. It was two
words, but Flutter-Duck imagined it was one. She gave the syllables in
recitative, the _âni_ just two notes higher than the _médi_, and she
accented them quite wrongly. When Rachel first grew articulate,
Flutter-Duck was so overjoyed to hear the little girl echoing her,
that she would often turn to her husband with an exclamation of "Thou
hearest, Lewis, love?"
And he, impatiently: "Nee, nee, I hear."
Flutter-Duck, thus recalled from the pleasures of maternity to its
duties, would recommence the prayer. "_Médiâni!_"
Which little Rachel would silently ignore.
"_Médiâni!_" Flutter-Duck's tone would now be imperative and
ill-tempered.
Then little Rachel would turn to her father querulously. "She thayth
it again, _Médiâni_, father!"
And Flutter-Duck, outraged by this childish insolence, would exclaim,
"Thou hearest, Lewis, love?" and incontinently fall to clouting the
child. And the father, annoyed by the shrill ululation consequent upon
the clouting: "Nee, nee, I hear too much." Rachel's refusal to be
coerced into giving devotional over-measure was not merely due to her
sense of equity. Her appetite counted for more. Prayers were the
avenue to breakfast, and to pamper her featherheaded mother in
repetitions was to put back the meal. Flutter-Duck was quite capable
of breaking down, even in the middle, if her attention was distracted
for a moment, and of trying back from the very beginning. She would,
for example, get as far as "Hear--my daughter--the instruction--of thy
mother," giving out the words one by one in the sacred language which
was to her abracadabra.
And little Rachel, equally in the dark, would repeat obediently,
"Hear--my daughter--the instruction of--thy mother." Then the kettle
would boil, or Flutter-Duck would overhear a remark made by one of the
"hands," and interject: "Yes, I'd _give_ him!" or, "A fat lot _she_
knows about it," or some phrase of that sort; after which she would
grope for the lost thread of prayer, and end by ejaculating
desperately:--
"_Médiâni!_"
And the child sternly setting her face against this flippancy, there
would be slapping and screaming, and if the father protested,
Flutter-Duck would toss her head, and rejoin in her most dignified
English: "If I bin a mother, I bin a mother!"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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