The King of Schnorrers: Grotesques and FantasiesZangwill, Israel
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The King of Schnorrers: Grotesques and Fantasies
Zangwill, Israel
Humorous stories; Jewish fiction; Jews -- England -- Fiction; London (England) -- Fiction
"No, I do not take my womankind about. Their duty lies at home. As it
is written, I call my wife not 'wife' but 'home.'"
"But dink how dey vould enjoy deirselves!"
"We are not sent here to enjoy ourselves."
"True--most true," said Yankelé, pulling a smug face. "Ve be sent here
to obey de Law of Moses. But do not remind me I be a sinner in
Israel."
"How so?"
"I am twenty-five--yet I have no vife."
"I daresay you had plenty in Poland."
"By my soul, not. Only von, and her I gave _gett_ (divorce) for
barrenness. You can write to de Rabbi of my town."
"Why should I write? It's not my affair."
"But I vant it to be your affair."
Manasseh glared. "Do you begin that again?" he murmured.
"It is not so much dat I desire your daughter for a vife as you for a
fader-in-law."
"It cannot be!" said Manasseh more gently.
"Oh dat I had been born a Sephardi!" said Yankelé with a hopeless
groan.
"It is too late now," said da Costa soothingly.
"Dey say it's never too late to mend," moaned the Pole. "Is dere no
vay for me to be converted to Spanish Judaism? I could easily
pronounce Hebrew in your superior vay."
"Our Judaism differs in no essential respect from yours--it is a
question of blood. You cannot change your blood. As it is said, 'And
the blood is the life.'"
"I know, I know dat I aspire too high. Oh, vy did you become my
friend, vy did you make me believe you cared for me--so dat I tink of
you day and night--and now, ven I ask you to be my fader-in-law, you
say it cannot be. It is like a knife in de heart! Tink how proud and
happy I should be to call you my fader-in-law. All my life vould be
devoted to you--my von thought to be vordy of such a man."
"You are not the first I have been compelled to refuse," said
Manasseh, with emotion.
"Vat helps me dat dere be other _Schlemihls_ (unlucky persons)?"
quoted Yankelé, with a sob. "How can I live midout you for a
fader-in-law?"
"I am sorry for you--more sorry than I have ever been."
"Den you do care for me! I vill not give up hope. I vill not take no
for no answer. Vat is dis blood dat it should divide Jew from Jew, dat
it should prevent me becoming de son-in-law of de only man I have ever
loved? Say not so. Let me ask you again--in a month or a year--even
twelve months vould I vait, ven you vould only promise not to pledge
yourself to anoder man."
"But if I became your father-in-law--mind, I only say if--not only
would I not keep you, but you would have to keep my Deborah."
"And supposing?"
"But you are not able to keep a wife!"
"Not able? Who told you dat?" cried Yankelé indignantly.
"You yourself! Why, when I first befriended you, you told me you were
blood-poor."
"Dat I told you as a _Schnorrer_. But now I speak to you as a suitor."
"True," admitted Manasseh, instantly appreciating the distinction.
"And as a suitor I tell you I can _schnorr_ enough to keep two vives."
"But do you tell this to da Costa the father or da Costa the
marriage-broker?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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