The King of Schnorrers: Grotesques and Fantasies — John Shaqi
The King of Schnorrers: Grotesques and FantasiesZangwill, Israel
General
The King of Schnorrers: Grotesques and Fantasies
Zangwill, Israel
Humorous stories; Jewish fiction; Jews -- England -- Fiction; London (England) -- Fiction
"Hush!" from all parts of the house as the curtain went up and the
house settled down. But Yankelé was no longer in _rapport_ with the
play; the spectre had ceased to thrill and the heroine to touch. His
mind was busy with feverish calculations of income, scraping together
every penny he could raise by hook or crook. He even drew out a
crumpled piece of paper and a pencil, but thrust them back into his
pocket when he saw Manasseh's eye.
"I forgot," he murmured apologetically. "Being at de play made me
forget it was de Sabbath." And he pursued his calculations mentally;
this being naturally less work.
When the play was over the two beggars walked out into the cool night
air.
"I find," Yankelé began eagerly in the vestibule, "I make at least von
hundred and fifty pounds"--he paused to acknowledge the farewell
salutation of the little door-keeper at his elbow--"a hundred and
fifty a year."
"Indeed!" said Manasseh, in respectful astonishment.
"Yes! I have reckoned it all up. Ten are de sources of charity--"
"As it is written," interrupted Manasseh with unction, "'With ten
sayings was the world created; there were ten generations from Noah to
Abraham; with ten trials our father Abraham was tried; ten miracles
were wrought for our fathers in Egypt and ten at the Red Sea; and ten
things were created on the eve of the Sabbath in the twilight!' And
now it shall be added, 'Ten good deeds the poor man affords the rich
man.' Proceed, Yankelé."
"First comes my allowance from de Synagogue--eight pounds. Vonce a
veek I call and receive half-a-crown."
"Is that all? Our Synagogue allows three-and-six."
"Ah!" sighed the Pole wistfully. "Did I not say you be a superior
race?"
"But that only makes six pound ten!"
"I know--de oder tirty shillings I allow for Passover cakes and
groceries. Den for Synagogue-knocking I get ten guin--"
"Stop! stop!" cried Manasseh, with a sudden scruple. "Ought I to
listen to financial details on the Sabbath?"
"Certainly, ven dey be connected vid my marriage--vich is a
Commandment. It is de Law ve really discuss."
"You are right. Go on, then. But remember, even if you can prove you
can _schnorr_ enough to keep a wife, I do not bind myself to consent."
"You be already a fader to me--vy vill you not be a fader-in-law?
Anyhow, you vill find me a fader-in-law," he added hastily, seeing the
blackness gathering again on da Costa's brow.
"Nay, nay, we must not talk of business on the Sabbath," said Manasseh
evasively. "Proceed with your statement of income."
"Ten guineas for Synagogue-knocking. I have tventy clients who--"
"Stop a minute! I cannot pass that item."
"Vy not? It is true."
"Maybe! But Synagogue-knocking is distinctly _work_!"
"Vork?"
"Well, if going round early in the morning to knock at the doors of
twenty pious persons, and rouse them for morning service, isn't work,
then the Christian bell-ringer is a beggar. No, no! Profits from this
source I cannot regard as legitimate."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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