The Lady of the Barge and Others, Entire Collection — John Shaqi
The Lady of the Barge and Others, Entire CollectionJacobs, W. W. (William Wymark)
General
The Lady of the Barge and Others, Entire Collection
Jacobs, W. W. (William Wymark)
England -- Social life and customs -- Fiction; Humorous stories, English; River life -- Fiction
“I shouldn’t like to think that of Mrs. Driver,” said his niece,
shaking her head; “but then in these days one never knows what might
happen. Never. I’ve given up thinking about it. However, when I came
back, Mrs. Driver was here, sitting in that very chair you are sitting
in now.”
Mr. Bodfish pursed up his lips and made another note. Then he took a
spill from the fireplace, and lighting a candle, went slowly and
carefully up the stairs. He found nothing on them but two caked rims of
mud, and being too busy to notice Mr. Negget’s frantic signalling,
called his niece’s attention to them.
“What do you think of that?” he demanded, triumphantly.
“Somebody’s been up there,” said his niece. “It isn’t Emma, because she
hasn’t been outside the house all day; and it can’t be George, because
he promised me faithful he’d never go up there in his dirty boots.”
Mr. Negget coughed, and approaching the stairs, gazed with the eye of a
stranger at the relics as Mr. Bodfish hotly rebuked a suggestion of his
niece’s to sweep them up.
“Seems to me,” said the conscience-stricken Mr. Negget, feebly, “as
they’re rather large for a woman.”
“Mud cakes,” said Mr. Bodfish, with his most professional manner; “a
small boot would pick up a lot this weather.”
“So it would,” said Mr. Negget, and with brazen effrontery not only met
his wife’s eye without quailing, but actually glanced down at her
boots.
Mr. Bodfish came back to his chair and ruminated. Then he looked up and
spoke.
“It was missed this morning at ten minutes past twelve,” he said,
slowly; “it was there last night. At eleven o’clock you came in and
found Mrs. Driver sitting in that chair.”
“No, the one you’re in,” interrupted his niece.
“It don’t signify,” said her uncle. “Nobody else has been near the
place, and Emma’s box has been searched.
“Thoroughly searched,” testified Mrs. Negget.
“Now the point is, what did Mrs. Driver come for this morning?” resumed
the ex-constable. “Did she come—”
He broke off and eyed with dignified surprise a fine piece of wireless
telegraphy between husband and wife. It appeared that Mr. Negget sent
off a humorous message with his left eye, the right being for some
reason closed, to which Mrs. Negget replied with a series of frowns and
staccato shakes of the head, which her husband found easily
translatable. Under the austere stare of Mr. Bodfish their faces at
once regained their wonted calm, and the ex-constable in a somewhat
offended manner resumed his inquiries.
“Mrs. Driver has been here a good bit lately,” he remarked, slowly.
Mr. Negget’s eyes watered, and his mouth worked piteously.
“If you can’t behave yourself, George,” began his wife, fiercely.
“What is the matter?” demanded Mr. Bodfish. “I’m not aware that I’ve
said anything to be laughed at.”
“No more you have, uncle,” retorted his niece; “only George is such a
stupid. He’s got an idea in his silly head that Mrs. Driver—But it’s
all nonsense, of course.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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