England -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction; Humorous stories
‘“Hush!” cries the old gentleman. “I have consulted the book of Fate
with rare and wonderful success. I am versed in the great sciences of
astrology and astronomy. In my house here, I have every description of
apparatus for observing the course and motion of the planets. Six months
ago, I derived from this source, the knowledge that precisely as the
clock struck five this afternoon a stranger would present himself—the
destined husband of my young and lovely niece—in reality of illustrious
and high descent, but whose birth would be enveloped in uncertainty and
mystery. Don’t tell me yours isn’t,” says the old gentleman, who was in
such a hurry to speak that he couldn’t get the words out fast enough,
“for I know better.”
‘Gentlemen, Tom was so astonished when he heard him say this, that he
could hardly keep his footing on the ladder, and found it necessary to
hold on by the lamp-post. There _was_ a mystery about his birth. His
mother had always admitted it. Tom had never known who was his father,
and some people had gone so far as to say that even _she_ was in doubt.
‘While he was in this state of amazement, the old gentleman leaves the
window, bursts out of the house-door, shakes the ladder, and Tom, like a
ripe pumpkin, comes sliding down into his arms.
‘“Let me embrace you,” he says, folding his arms about him, and nearly
lighting up his old bed-furniture gown at Tom’s link. “You’re a man of
noble aspect. Everything combines to prove the accuracy of my
observations. You have had mysterious promptings within you,” he says;
“I know you have had whisperings of greatness, eh?” he says.
‘“I think I have,” says Tom—Tom was one of those who can persuade
themselves to anything they like—“I’ve often thought I wasn’t the small
beer I was taken for.”
‘“You were right,” cries the old gentleman, hugging him again. “Come in.
My niece awaits us.”
‘“Is the young lady tolerable good-looking, Sir?” says Tom, hanging fire
rather, as he thought of her playing the piano, and knowing French, and
being up to all manner of accomplishments.
‘“She’s beautiful!” cries the old gentleman, who was in such a terrible
bustle that he was all in a perspiration. “She has a graceful carriage,
an exquisite shape, a sweet voice, a countenance beaming with animation
and expression; and the eye,” he says, rubbing his hands, “of a startled
fawn.”
‘Tom supposed this might mean, what was called among his circle of
acquaintance, “a game eye;” and, with a view to this defect, inquired
whether the young lady had any cash.
‘“She has five thousand pounds,” cries the old gentleman. “But what of
that? what of that? A word in your ear. I’m in search of the
philosopher’s stone. I have very nearly found it—not quite. It turns
everything to gold; that’s its property.”
‘Tom naturally thought it must have a deal of property; and said that
when the old gentleman did get it, he hoped he’d be careful to keep it in
the family.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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