England -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction; Humorous stories
‘Besides these two young ladies, there was their waiting-woman, that
under any other circumstances Tom would have looked upon as a Venus; and
besides her, there was a tall, thin, dismal-faced young gentleman, half
man and half boy, dressed in a childish suit of clothes very much too
short in the legs and arms; and looking, according to Tom’s comparison,
like one of the wax juveniles from a tailor’s door, grown up and run to
seed. Now, this youngster stamped his foot upon the ground and looked
very fierce at Tom, and Tom looked fierce at him—for to tell the truth,
gentlemen, Tom more than half suspected that when they entered the room
he was kissing one of the young ladies; and for anything Tom knew, you
observe, it might be _his_ young lady—which was not pleasant.
‘“Sir,” says Tom, “before we proceed any further, will you have the
goodness to inform me who this young Salamander”—Tom called him that for
aggravation, you perceive, gentlemen—“who this young Salamander may be?”
‘“That, Mr. Grig,” says the old gentleman, “is my little boy. He was
christened Galileo Isaac Newton Flamstead. Don’t mind him. He’s a mere
child.”
‘“And a very fine child too,” says Tom—still aggravating, you’ll
observe—“of his age, and as good as fine, I have no doubt. How do you
do, my man?” with which kind and patronising expressions, Tom reached up
to pat him on the head, and quoted two lines about little boys, from
Doctor Watts’s Hymns, which he had learnt at a Sunday School.
‘It was very easy to see, gentlemen, by this youngster’s frowning and by
the waiting-maid’s tossing her head and turning up her nose, and by the
young ladies turning their backs and talking together at the other end of
the room, that nobody but the old gentleman took very kindly to the noble
stranger. Indeed, Tom plainly heard the waiting-woman say of her master,
that so far from being able to read the stars as he pretended, she didn’t
believe he knew his letters in ’em, or at best that he had got further
than words in one syllable; but Tom, not minding this (for he was in
spirits after the Madeira), looks with an agreeable air towards the young
ladies, and, kissing his hand to both, says to the old gentleman, “Which
is which?”
‘“This,” says the old gentleman, leading out the handsomest, if one of
’em could possibly be said to be handsomer than the other—“this is my
niece, Miss Fanny Barker.”
‘“If you’ll permit me, Miss,” says Tom, “being a noble stranger and a
favourite of the planets, I will conduct myself as such.” With these
words, he kisses the young lady in a very affable way, turns to the old
gentleman, slaps him on the back, and says, “When’s it to come off, my
buck?”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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