End of the world -- Fiction; Epidemics -- Fiction; Science fiction; Twenty-first century -- Fiction
I own that I did not see her misfortune with the same eyes as Perdita.
At all events methought that the wound could be healed; and, if they
remained together, it would be so. I endeavoured therefore to sooth and
soften her mind; and it was not until after many endeavours that I gave
up the task as impracticable. Perdita listened to me impatiently, and
answered with some asperity:—“Do you think that any of your arguments
are new to me? or that my own burning wishes and intense anguish have
not suggested them all a thousand times, with far more eagerness and
subtlety than you can put into them? Lionel, you cannot understand what
woman’s love is. In days of happiness I have often repeated to myself,
with a grateful heart and exulting spirit, all that Raymond sacrificed
for me. I was a poor, uneducated, unbefriended, mountain girl, raised
from nothingness by him. All that I possessed of the luxuries of life
came from him. He gave me an illustrious name and noble station; the
world’s respect reflected from his own glory: all this joined to his
own undying love, inspired me with sensations towards him, akin to
those with which we regard the Giver of life. I gave him love only. I
devoted myself to him: imperfect creature that I was, I took myself to
task, that I might become worthy of him. I watched over my hasty
temper, subdued my burning impatience of character, schooled my
self-engrossing thoughts, educating myself to the best perfection I
might attain, that the fruit of my exertions might be his happiness. I
took no merit to myself for this. He deserved it all—all labour, all
devotion, all sacrifice; I would have toiled up a scaleless Alp, to
pluck a flower that would please him. I was ready to quit you all, my
beloved and gifted companions, and to live only with him, for him. I
could not do otherwise, even if I had wished; for if we are said to
have two souls, he was my better soul, to which the other was a
perpetual slave. One only return did he owe me, even fidelity. I earned
that; I deserved it. Because I was mountain bred, unallied to the noble
and wealthy, shall he think to repay me by an empty name and station?
Let him take them back; without his love they are nothing to me. Their
only merit in my eyes was that they were his.”
Thus passionately Perdita ran on. When I adverted to the question of
their entire separation, she replied: “Be it so! One day the period
will arrive; I know it, and feel it. But in this I am a coward. This
imperfect companionship, and our masquerade of union, are strangely
dear to me. It is painful, I allow, destructive, impracticable. It
keeps up a perpetual fever in my veins; it frets my immedicable wound;
it is instinct with poison. Yet I must cling to it; perhaps it will
kill me soon, and thus perform a thankful office.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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