"And there's another consideration: If this thing I have wanted never
does come I have the opportunity of gaining all that you say you could
give me by my own efforts: the comforts, the material things. I
wouldn't be trading myself for them, you see; I'll be winning them with
my hands and what intelligence I may possess."
"Are you sure of that, Jane? Are you sure that a girl who has never
done a tap of work in her life, who has not even talked business with
business men can come out here and beat this game? Oh, I know what I'm
talking about and you don't. I spent all yesterday in town looking up
this place because your letter was convincing in at least one thing. I
know your enthusiasm, when it's aroused. I know that you'd rush in
where a business prince wouldn't even chance a peek!
"When men talk about you in town they grin. The bartender grinned when
he told me about you. The banker grinned. The man who drove me out
thought it was a fine joke! These men know; they're not skeptical
because they know you or your past, but they know the job and that
you're a stranger. That's enough. You can't beat another man's game."
"I can try, can't I?"
"But what's the use?"--with a gesture of impatience and a set of the
mouth that was far from pleasant. "You're doomed to fail and even if
you should hit on the one chance in a thousand of pulling through, what
would you get? Less than I can give you in the time it takes to sign my
name. You won't let me talk love and you don't seem to have much hope
that you ever will find the love you think you want, so let's put love
aside once more. Come with me, Jane. I'll give you all you could ever
hope to get here and without the cost of the awful effort anything like
success would require.
"You've been bored, perhaps, and discouraged. You've taken this thing
as a ... a last straw. Won't you listen to reason?"
"The last straw," she repeated. "Yes, I guess that is it. Dick, do you
know how close I came to letting you do the thing you want to do?" She
put the question sharply. "I'll tell you: Within three hundred dollars!
That's how close.
"Oh, you don't know the game I've played. No one knows it. You all have
just seen the exterior, the show. You've never been behind the scenes
with me.
"I never knew my mother. I never knew my father well. I don't know that
he cared much for me after she went; perhaps, though, he was only
afraid to bring up a girl alone. First, it was boarding school, then
finishing school, then a woman companion of the smart sort. Then he
died, and we discovered that his fortune was not what it had been, that
it was a miserable thing for a girl to depend on who had been trained
as I had been trained.
"You met me soon after I was alone. I fell in with your crowd and they
picked me up. I didn't like them particularly and certainly I didn't
like their life, but it was the only one open for me. We lived hard,
heartless lives, made up of week-ends and dances and cocktails and
greed!
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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