Fantasy fiction; Science fiction; Subconsciousness -- Fiction
"Mayfair Marvin!" Hotstuff ejaculated loudly. "Well, I'll be damned!"
"You be quiet!" the judge said. "No one asked you anything."
"But I'm telling you something!" Hotstuff said excitedly. "That guy is
Mayfair Marvin with a dye job and a moustache. He's one of the hottest
international jewel thieves in the racket!"
"What!" the judge said. "Isn't there anyone innocent in this court?"
Mario, who had suddenly lost his ruddy complexion, edged toward the
exit. "That's preposterous!" he said.
"Yeah?" Hotstuff drawled. "Let's check that birthmark with the official
descriptions." He turned to Julie. "If you want to know where your
jewelry is, lady, just ask this bum."
Stricken, Julie turned to Mario, who refused to meet her gaze.
"How about it, Marvin?" Hotstuff said. "Do you fork over the rocks or
do I tell the court about that job in London when...."
"All right!" the bogus Mario said weakly. He turned to Julie. "If you
look under the hedge at the end of the drive you'll find your jewelry
buried there. I meant to come back for it later, after a fortuitous
call to the bedside of my dying mother."
"Sergeant Feeney," the judge said, "grab that man and have him locked
up."
"Yes, your honor," Sergeant Feeney said and, taking Mario by the arm,
relievedly escorted him from the room. As he did so, Julie buried her
face in her hands and began to cry.
"There!" Toffee said elatedly, turning to the judge, "you see? There
goes another charge!"
"There's still the one of jail breaking," the judge said spitefully.
"It simply means that the charges, instead of being centralized with
one man, are now more evenly distributed. In a minute now I'm going to
start throwing sentences around here like rice at a wedding. The lot of
you--with the exception of Mrs. Pillsworth--can start planning a nice
long retirement."
* * * * *
As the judge leaned down to study and rearrange the reports before him,
Toffee turned quickly to Marc.
"Do you still have the elixir?" she asked.
"Huh?" Marc said, his eyes on Julie.
"The elixir," Toffee said. "Give it to me!"
"Oh, that," Marc murmured. He reached into his pocket, extracted the
partially filled bottle and handed it over. "Here."
"Thanks," Toffee said. She advanced happily to the bench and stood for
a moment gazing soulfully into the judge's scowling countenance.
"If you need some help," she said demurely, "I'll be glad to give you a
hand. You'll probably never figure it out all by yourself."
"What!" the judge said, infuriated.
"Well, let's face it," Toffee said innocently, "with a muckle-head like
you running the show we'll never get anywhere."
"You _are_ in contempt!" the judge screamed. "I thought so all along!"
"Well, you must admit it's a pretty contemptible court," Toffee said.
"Nothing personal, judge, but...."
"Silence!" the judge cried. "Don't say another word or I may have
to send myself up for murder! I...." The rest was lost in a fit of
coughing.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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