The Life and Death of Doctor Faustus Made into a FarceMarlowe, Christopher
General
The Life and Death of Doctor Faustus Made into a Farce
Marlowe, Christopher
Faust, -approximately 1540 -- Drama
_Hors._ Murder, or not Murder, now he has but one Leg I'll out-run him.
[_Exit._
_Faust._ Stop, stop him; ha, ha, ha, _Faustus_ has his Leg again, and
the Horse-courser a Bundle of Hay for his Forty Dollars. Come,
_Mephostopholis_, let's now attend the Emperor. [_Exit_ Faust. _and_
Meph.
_Enter_ Horse-courser, _and_ Carter, _with Pots of Ale_.
_Cart._ Here's to thee; and now I'll tell thee what I came hither for:
You have heard of a Conjurer they call Doctor _Faustus_.
_Hors._ Heard of him, a Plague take him, I have Cause to know him; has
he play'd any Pranks with you?
_Cart._ I'll tell thee, as I was going to the Market a while ago, with
a Load of Hay, he met me, and askt me, What he should give me for as
much Hay as his Horse would Eat: Now, Sir, I thinking that a little
would serve his Turn, bad him take as much as he would for Three
Farthings.
_Hors._ So.
_Cart._ So he presently gave me Mony, and fell to Eating: And as I'm a
cursen Man, he never left Yeating and Yeating, 'till he had eaten up my
whole Load of Hay.
_Hors._ Now you shall hear how he serv'd me: I went to him Yesterday to
buy a Horse of him, which I did; and he had me be sure not to ride him
into the Water.
_Cart._ Good.
_Hors._ Ad's Wounds 'twas Bad, as you shall hear: For I thinking the
Horse had some rare Quality, that he would not have me know, what do me
I but rides him in the Water; and when I came just in the midst of the
River, I found my self a Straddle on a Bottle of Hay.
_Cart._ O rare Doctor!
_Hors._ But you shall hear how I serv'd him bravely for it; for finding
him a Sleep just now in a By-Field, I whoop'd and hollow'd in his Ears,
but could not wake him; so I took hold of his Leg, and never left
pulling till I had pull'd it quite off.
_Cart._ And has the Doctor but one Leg then? That's Rare. But come, this
is his House, let's in and see for our Mony; look you, we'll pay as we
come back.
_Hors._ Done, done; and when we have got our Mony let's laugh at his one
Leg: Ha, ha, ha. [_Exeunt Laughing._
_Enter_ Hostess.
_Host._ What have the Rogues left my Pots, and run away, without paying
their Reck'ning? I'll after 'em, cheating Villains, Rogues, Cut-purses;
rob a poor Woman, cheat the Spittle, and rob the King of his Excise; a
parcel of Rustick, Clownish, Pedantical, High-shoo'd, Plow-jobbing,
Cart-driving, Pinch-back'd, Paralytick, Fumbling, Grumbling, Bellowing,
Yellowing, Peas-picking, Stinking, Mangy, Runagate, Ill-begotten,
Ill-contriv'd, Wry-mouth'd, Spatrifying, Dunghill-raking, Costive,
Snorting, Sweaty, Farting, Whaw-drover Dogs. [_Exit_
_Enter_ Faustus.
_Faust._ My Time draws near, and 20 Years are past: I have but Four poor
Twelve Months for my Life, and then I am damn'd for ever.
_Enter an_ Old Man.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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