“Now for a word about the ‘bowing,’” he says in another letter. “It is
of _no_ importance in itself, and therefore I never tell my children
or servants either to bow or not to bow; but particular circumstances
may render it important, and if good and kind Miss B. thinks that at
Christ Church, you may honour God rather by doing as she and others
who are with her do, than by being singular on this point, I not only
wish you to obey her, but to do it with a willing and ready mind,
cheerfully, as a plain matter of duty. Which it is. It is for her to
judge, and for you to do, _gladly_, what she tells you.”
Miss B. had the greatest admiration for her pupil’s gifts, and in
particular she considered her a budding poetess. These are some of the
effusions of the period:
“Oh Mother! thou that broughtest me forth
My sins gainst thee none, none can tell
For these alone I ought in sooth
To be e’en now in lowest hell.
But oh! my God still spares me on
To be a comfort to thy years
God grant I may e’er the sun goes down
Seal thee this promise with my tears.
Ne’er ne’er again what [e’er] betide,
(In Jesu’s strength alone I trust)
I’ll vex my mother, who did guide
My years of infancy now past.”
Another time after expatiating on her Mother’s virtues and unmerited
affection, she goes on to inform her that there is One—
“Whose love surpasseth thine as far
As Sol excels the falling star.
My Mother ONE request I make
That thou wouldst pray for Jesu’s sake
That he would break this heart of stone
And mould it like my Saviour’s own.”
Was it all mere humbug and “patter”? The question can best be answered
by quoting the following letter to her Father. It is written impulsively
in pencil on scraps of paper,—the questions and answers being on
different slips. The wording of the questions has sometimes been altered
and corrected, so presumably she drafted them herself. The little sheaf
has been thrust “anyhow” into an envelope (addressed to _Mrs_. T. Jex-
Blake) which bears postmark “Ramsgate, Ap. 21. 1851,” and Mrs. Jex-Blake
has quaintly endorsed it “very nice.”
“MY DEAREST FATHER,
I fear you are very uneasy about me for I have indeed manifested
no visible proof of a new and clean heart, but I think much of my soul
too much for me to speak even to you of it. But I cannot _talk_ so
whenever anyone tries to talk to me of it I always turn it into jest
but I must write (I cannot speak) to you about it so I have written
some questions down and endeavoured to answer them as _before God_. So
do believe _each word_.
S. B.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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