The Life of Tolstoy: First Fifty Years: Fifth EditionMaude, Aylmer
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The Life of Tolstoy: First Fifty Years: Fifth Edition
Maude, Aylmer
Tolstoy, Leo, graf, 1828-1910
The recollection that comes next after the tub is that of
Ereméyevna. 'Ereméyevna' was the name with which they used to
frighten us children. Probably they had long frightened us with
it, but my recollection of it is this: I am in bed and feel
well and happy as usual, and I should not remember it, but that
suddenly the nurse, or some one of those who made up my life,
says something in a voice new to me, and then goes away; and in
addition to being happy I am also frightened. And besides me there
is some one else like me. (Probably my sister Mary, whose crib
stood in the same room.) And I now remember a curtain near my bed;
and both my sister and I are happy and frightened at the strange
thing happening to us, and I hide in my pillow: hide, and glance
at the door from behind which I expect something new and merry. We
laugh, and hide, and wait. And then some one appears in a dress
and cap quite unknown to me, but I recognise that it is the same
person who is always with us (whether my nurse or aunt I do not
remember), and this some one says something about bad children
and about Ereméyevna in a gruff voice which I know. And I squeal
with fear and pleasure, and really am frightened, and yet am glad
to be frightened, and wish her who is frightening me not to know
that I have recognised her. We become quiet, but presently begin
whispering to one another again, on purpose that Ereméyevna may
come back.
I have another recollection similar to this of Ereméyevna (but
as it is clearer it probably belongs to a later date) which has
always remained inexplicable to me. In this recollection the chief
part is played by our German tutor, Theodore Ivánitch, but I am
sure I was not yet in his charge; so the event must have taken
place before I was five. It is my first recollection of Theodore
Ivánitch, and it took place at so early an age that I can remember
no one else: neither my brothers nor my father nor any one. If
I have some notion of some one individual person, it is only of
my sister, and this only because she, like me, was afraid of
Ereméyevna. With this recollection is joined my first conception
of the fact that our house had a top story. How I climbed
there--whether I went by myself or whether any one carried me--I
have quite forgotten, but I remember that many of us are there,
and we all form a circle holding each other's hands; among us are
some women I did not know (for some reason I remember that they
were washer-women), and we all begin to go round and to jump; and
Theodore Ivánitch jumps, lifting his legs too high and too loudly
and noisily, and I at one and the same instant feel that this is
bad and depraved, and notice him and (I believe) begin to cry--and
all is over.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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