Things were in this state near the end of the seventh year. I had
become entirely free from insight, from my abnormal cognizance of any
other consciousness than my own, and instead of intruding involuntarily
into the world of other minds, was living continually in my own
solitary future. Bertha was aware that I was greatly changed. To my
surprise she had of late seemed to seek opportunities of remaining
in my society, and had cultivated that kind of distant yet familiar
talk which is customary between a husband and wife who live in polite
and irrevocable alienation. I bore this with languid submission, and
without feeling enough interest in her motives to be roused into keen
observation; yet I could not help perceiving something triumphant and
excited in her carriage and the expression of her face--something too
subtle to express itself in words or tones, but giving one the idea
that she lived in a state of expectation or hopeful suspense. My chief
feeling was satisfaction that her inner self was once more shut out
from me; and I almost revelled for the moment in the absent melancholy
that made me answer her at cross purposes, and betray utter ignorance
of what she had been saying. I remember well the look and the smile
with which she one day said, after a mistake of this kind on my part:
"I used to think you were a clairvoyant, and that was the reason why
you were so bitter against other clairvoyants, wanting to keep your
monopoly; but I see now you have become rather duller than the rest of
the world."
I said nothing in reply. It occurred to me that her recent obtrusion
of herself upon me might have been prompted by the wish to test my
power of detecting some of her secrets; but I let the thought drop
again at once: her motives and her deeds had no interest for me, and
whatever pleasures she might be seeking, I had no wish to baulk her.
There was still pity in my soul for every living thing, and Bertha was
living--was surrounded with possibilities of misery.
Just at this time there occurred an event which roused me somewhat from
my inertia, and gave me an interest in the passing moment that I had
thought impossible for me. It was a visit from Charles Meunier, who had
written me word that he was coming to England for relaxation from too
strenuous labour, and would like to see me. Meunier had now a European
reputation; but his letter to me expressed that keen remembrance of
an early regard, an early debt of sympathy, which is inseparable from
nobility of character: and I too felt as if his presence would be to me
like a transient resurrection into a happier pre-existence.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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