The Lighter Side of English LifeMoore, Frank Frankfort
General
The Lighter Side of English Life
Moore, Frank Frankfort
England -- Social life and customs; England -- Social life and customs -- Humor
Some time ago a mason, while doing some repairs in a room in a very old
timbered house, disclosed some oak panelling which probably belonged
to the sixteenth century. The news of the discovery went abroad, and a
collector of “antiques” in the neighbourhood bought the woodwork for
a hundred pounds--far more than it was worth, of course, but that is
nothing; the effect of the find and of the sale was disastrous to the
occupants of other old houses, for they forthwith summoned masons and
carpenters and began pulling down their walls, feeling sure that a
hundred pounds' worth of panelling was within their reach. They were all
disappointed; for several years had passed before the landlord of the
chief hotel--it had once been the county town house of a great local
family--found behind the battens which served as the stretchers of the
canvas that bore some very common paper in his coffee-room, a long range
of oak wainscoting covered with paint. The usual local antiquary made
his appearance, and through dilating upon its beauty and abusing the
vandalism that had spread those coats of paint upon the oak, induced the
landlord to give the order to have the panels “stripped” and made good.
He little knew what he had let himself in for! The carpenters and the
painters attacked the room with spirit (of turpentine), and for weeks it
remained in their hands; for it was found that at least twenty coats of
paint were upon the woodwork, and that a great portion of it was only
held together by the paint, so that with the removal of this binding
medium the panels became splinters.
Before the end of a profitless six weeks the good landlord was wishing
with all his heart that that relic of a bygone period had been allowed
to rest comfortably buried beneath the papered canvas that had entombed
it all. The bill that he had to pay for the restoration was for such a
sum as would have been sufficient to buy the same quantity of absolutely
new panelling, he explained to some people to whom he went for sympathy!
He laid great stress upon the fact that he could actually have got new
panelling for the price of repairing the old!
[Illustration: 0103]
And this was the spirit in which a far-seeing but non-antiquarian lady,
who lived in another ancient house in the same street, received the
liberal offer of a gentleman from the United States who had taken a
fancy to her oak staircase. It was a commonplace type and might be found
by the dozen in any old town; but he told her that he would pay her a
hundred pounds for it, and she jumped at his offer. The staircase was
carted away and a new one of serviceable deal, absolutely fresh from the
carpenter's shop, was put in its place.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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