The Lighter Side of English LifeMoore, Frank Frankfort
General
The Lighter Side of English Life
Moore, Frank Frankfort
England -- Social life and customs; England -- Social life and customs -- Humor
The result of the Dean's remonstrance was to strengthen the Canon's
cause in the eyes of his adherents; and when one of these friends wrote
a letter to the newspapers, expressing the opinion that if Canon
Mowbray had been guilty of any breach of discipline the ecclesiastical
authorities should take action with a view to justifying themselves in
the attitude they had assumed in regard to him, the general opinion was
that the Canon had triumphed, for the Dean and Chapter knew perfectly
well that they had no power to accept the challenge implied in the
letter: the question was not one of turning to the east or turning
to the west, or of lighting candles in a place where no artificial
illuminant was required, or of wearing an overelaborate robe--it was
solely a question of taste, and the discipline of the Church has nothing
to do with matters of taste.
It was at this point that Lady Birnam, who claimed to be a local
ecclesiastical seismometer, so to speak, prophesied a cataclysm that
would shake the Church to its foundations. She went far beyond the
advisory committee of St. Paul's in considering the consequences of
making new subways by the London County Council.
III.--THE PEACEMAKERS
And yet within a couple of months the last rumble of the threatened
disturbance had passed away.
This is how the _status quo ante bellum_ was restored:
The offending Canon was in the habit of confiding in his supporters his
feeling of sorrow that none of his clerical brethren had the manliness
to follow his example and read the Lessons as they should be read:
he had quite believed, he said, that in a short time the slovenly,
monotonous reader would have ceased to appear at the lectern; he was
greatly disappointed.
But one Sunday an elderly Prebendary astonished every one by “putting
on” two separate and distinct voices in reading the First Lesson. It was
the chapter in which Moses pleads for the Children of Israel when their
destruction is threatened by the Almighty. Now it will be plain to any
one that to treat this duologue in an elocutionary style requires a
delicacy of touch of the rarest sort; but unhappily the reader seemed
to have the idea that all that was necessary to deal with the most
important passages effectively was to deliver them in two voices,
and this scheme he adopted. The one voice was that of a good-natured
gentleman taking the part of naughty schoolboys who had been caught
robbing the orchard of an irascible old farmer; the second voice was
that of the irascible old farmer who had cornered them and had sent one
of his staff for a dog whip.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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