art of kissing is learned! No fuss, no noise, no fluttering or squirming like that of hook-impaled worms. Kissing doesn’t hurt, nor does it require an act of Congress to make it legal. That reverend wag, Sydney Smith, says, “We are in favor of a certain amount of shyness when a kiss is proposed; but it should not be too long, and, when the fair one gives it, let it be administered with warmth and energy,—let there be soul in it. If she closes her eyes and sigh immediately after it, the effect is greater. She should be careful not to slobber a kiss, but give it as a humming-bird runs his bill into a honeysuckle, deep but delicate. There is much virtue in a kiss when well delivered. We have the memory of one we received in our youth, which lasted us forty years, and we believe it will be one of the last things we shall think of when we die.” THE COMPOSITION OF A KISS. Cupid, if storying legends tell aright, Once framed a rich elixir of delight. A chalice o’er love-kindled flames he fixed, And in it nectar and ambrosia mixed; With these, the magic dews which evening brings, Brushed from the Idalian star by fairy wings, Each tender pledge of sacred faith he joined, Each gentler pleasure of the unspotted mind,— Day-dreams, whose tints with sportive brightness glow, And Hope, the blameless parasite of Woe. The eyeless chemist heard the process rise, The streamy chalice bubbled up in sighs, Sweet sounds transpired, as when the enamored dove Pours the soft murmuring of responsive love. The finished work might Envy vainly blame, And “Kisses” was the precious compound’s name. COLERIDGE. THE SOUND OF A KISS. A kiss is a difficult thing to describe on paper with only the unyielding, unimpressible materials of pen and ink; but it has been courageously attempted by a wag who had been at a wedding, “all of which he saw, and part of which he was.” Having “seen it done and performed, and heard the reverberation,” he describes a kiss as follows: “This is the age of improvement, ladies and gentlemen; stand back and you will see _a kiss on paper_. Don’t be incredulous. I will give you the sound in types. Listen: “When two pairs of affectionate lips are placed together to the intent of osculation, the noise educed is something like to the ensuing, _Epe-st’ weep’ st-e’ ee!_ and then the sound tapers off so softly and so musically that no letters can do it justice. “If any one thinks my description imperfect, let him surpass it if he can, even with a pen made from a quill out of Cupid’s wing.” Another writer describes the acoustic phenomena of the process in the following stanzas: Men’s fancies have long been sore tasked Some simile meet to bestow On that which all figures of speech Never fail to fall vastly below.