The Log of the Water Wagon; or, The Cruise of the Good Ship "Lithia"Taylor, Bert Leston
General
The Log of the Water Wagon; or, The Cruise of the Good Ship "Lithia"
Taylor, Bert Leston
American wit and humor; Temperance -- Humor
Fresh from the drydock, glistening in new white paint, her blue
streamers snapping in the breeze, loaded to the limit with
enthusiastic and babbling passengers, the Water Wagon left last night
on another perilous voyage. A tremendous crowd was present to see her
off. The surging mass of well-wishers included relatives and friends
of the passengers, a large delegation from the International
Federation of Mineral Water Bottlers, and representatives from the
W. C. T. U., Band of Hope, Never Again League, and other dusty
associations.
The farewell presents to the passengers were unusually numerous. These
included hot-water bags with “Bon Voyage” hand-painted on them, silver
bonbon boxes containing soda mint and lithia tablets, individual
cut-glass bromo-seltzer bottles, water lilies, watermelons, and other
fruit and flowers.
Just before the hour for sailing happy little speeches were made by
the Superintendent of the Water Works, the Commissioner of Irrigation,
and the Hon. Bromo S. Emerson, of Ballato, whose sizzling oratory was
received with terrific applause.
Promptly at midnight a bottle of sarsaparilla was broken on the
Lithia’s sprinkler, the gang-hose was uncoupled and hauled aboard, and
the Water Wagon glided gracefully away from her moorings.
A score or more of belated passengers came straggling down the pier
and finding]
GENERAL INFORMATION
In making reservations, the passenger’s real name, not the
station-house name, must be given, in full. All “John Smiths” will be
regarded with suspicion, and must be satisfactorily identified.
Seats as well as berths will be assigned for the entire voyage. For a
few choice seats next the water-cooler a small additional fee will be
asked.
No life-preservers will be found in staterooms. Do not ask for them.
No “bundles” will be allowed in staterooms, nor allowed to lie around
the decks.
Excellent concerts will be rendered every evening in the main saloon
by the Band of Hope. A select library will be found in the
smoking-room. Water-marked stationery is also at the disposal of all
first-class passengers.
Don’t try to get on the Wagon while it is in motion. It is the
Captain’s business to stop for loads. If he does not stop when
flagged, you will know he is full.
When rounding the sharp curve at the Pousse Cafe, passengers are
cautioned to hold fast.
Passengers feeling their anchors dragging, and seized with a sudden
desire to leap from the Wagon, should apply to purser for parachutes.
Stop-overs will be allowed at Vichy Springs, Delaware Water Gap, and
Waterbury only.
No transfers given on transfers.
Passengers losing any of their wheels will find them in the
wheel-house.
No rain-checks will be given out. This is a dry cruise.
Buy a round-trip ticket and save money.
All mail received en route will be read aloud by the steward at
sunset.
SPECIAL INFORMATION.—In looking toward the bow of the vessel, the
left-hand side is port. The right-hand is sherry.
+First Day+
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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