But it did not always happen that I found him working at his table by
the window. Sometimes he would be pacing restlessly up and down the
room, and round the cardtable in the centre (which was also a lunch,
tea, and dinner table).
"I have never before been four years in one place," he said. "I have
never been six months in one place." He related it as a possibly
interesting fact, not as a cavil against circumstances. It shows what
little I knew of, or about, him, that I had never before heard of his
travels.
"But how have you ever done any work if you never stayed in one place,
never settled down?"
"Settled down!" He stopped in his walk and fixed on me with a
disapproving eye. "That's a nasty bad word, Dikran. The being-at-home
feeling is a sedative to all art and progress. In the end it kills
imagination. It is a soporific, a--what you call it?--a dope. There's a
feeling of contentment in being at home, and you can't squeeze any
creation out of contentment.
"Permanent homes," he said, "were invented because men wanted safety.
The safety of expectation! Imagination is a curse to most men; they are
not comfortable with it; they think it is unsettling. Life is an
experiment until you have a home, and feel that it is a home. Men like
that. They like the idea of having a definite pillow on which to lay
their heads every night, of having a definite woman, called a wife,
beside them.... Bah! Charity begins at home, and inertia stays there.
Safety doesn't breed art or progress--and when it does, it
miscarries--the Royal Academy....
"Men want homes," he said, "because they want wives. And they generally
want wives because they don't want to be worried by the sex-feeling any
more. They don't want women left to their own imagination any more. They
want the thing over and done with for ever and ever. Safety! Men are not
adventurous...."
He turned to me sharply. "Look at you!" he said. "Have you done
anything? Since I have known you, you have done nothing but write
self-conscious essays which "The New Age" tolerates; you have played
about with life as you have with literature, as though it were all a
question of commas and semi-colons.... You have tried to idealise
love-affairs into a pretty phrase, and in your spare time you lie on
that divan and look up at the ceiling and dream of the luxurious vices
of Heliogabalus.... You are horribly lazy, not adventurous at all.
What's it matter if your cuffs get dirty as long as your hands get hold
of something?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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