Animals -- Juvenile fiction; Australia -- Juvenile fiction; Fantasy literature; Humorous stories; Puddings -- Juvenile fiction
'Our Puddin', we repeat,
You really cannot beat,
And here are we its owners three
Who graciously intreat
You'll be at our request,
The Puddin'-owners' guest.'
'For these sentiments of esteem, admiration, and respect,' said Ben, 'I
thank you. As one market-gardener to three Puddin'-owners, I may say I
wouldn't wish to eat the Puddin' of three finer fellers than
yourselves.'
With this cordial understanding they set about preparing the camp fire,
and the heartiest expressions of friendship were indulged in while the
Puddin' was being passed round. As Bunyip aptly remarked--
'All Fortune's buffets he can surely pardon her,
Who claims as guest our courteous Market Gardener.'
To which Benjimen handsomely replied--
'Still happier he, who meets three Puddin'-owners,
Whose Puddin' is the equal of its donors.'
And, indeed, a very pleasant evening they had round the camp fire.
Fourth Slice
'This is what I call satisfactory,' said Bill, as they sat at breakfast
next morning. 'It's a great relief to the mind to know that them
puddin'-thieves is sufferin' the agonies of remorse, and that our
Puddin' is safe from bein' stolen every ten minutes.'
'You're a bun-headed old optimist,' said the Puddin' rudely.
'Puddin'-thieves never suffer from remorse. They only suffer from
blighted hopes and suppressed activity.'
'Have you no trust in human nature, Albert?' asked Bill, sternly. 'Don't
you know that nothin' gives a man greater remorse than havin' his face
punched, his toes trod on, and eggs rubbed in his hair?'
'I have grave doubts myself,' said Bunyip Bluegum, 'as to the sincerity
of their repentance'; and Ben Brandysnap said that, speaking as a market
gardener, his experience of carrot catchers, onion snatchers, pumpkin
pouncers, and cabbage grabbers induced him to hold the opinion that
shooting them with pea-rifles was the only sure way to make them feel
remorse.
In fact, as Sam said--
'The howls and groans of pain and grief,
The accents of remorse,
Extracted from a puddin'-thief
Are all put on, of course.'
'Then, all I can say is,' cried Bill, enraged, 'if there's any more of
this business of puddin'-thieves, disguised as firemen, stealing our
Puddin', and puddin'-thieves, not disguised at all, shovin' bags over
our heads, blow me if I don't give up Puddin'-owning in despair and take
to keepin' carrots for a livin'.'
The Puddin' was so furious at this remark that they were forced to eat
an extra slice all round to pacify him, in spite of which he called Bill
a turnip-headed old carrot-cruncher, and other insulting names. However,
at length they set out on the road, Bill continuing to air some very
despondent remarks.
'For what is the good of havin' a noble trustin' nature,' said he, 'for
every low puddin'-thief in the land to take advantage of? As far as I
can see, the only thing to do is to punch every snout we meet, and
chance the odds it belongs to a puddin'-thief.'
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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