Animals -- Juvenile fiction; Australia -- Juvenile fiction; Fantasy literature; Humorous stories; Puddings -- Juvenile fiction
'Come,' said Bunyip Bluegum, 'I see you are not your wonted,
good-humoured self this morning. As a means of promoting the general
gaiety, I call on you to sing the _Salt Junk Sarah_ without delay.'
This was immediately effective, and Bill with the greatest heartiness
roared out--
'Ho, aboard the _Salt Junk Sarah_
Rollin' round the ocean wide,
The bo'sun's mate, I grieve to state,
He kissed the bo'sun's bride.
[Illustration]
'Rollin' home, rollin' home,
Home across the foam;
The bo'sun rose and punched his nose
And banged him on the dome.'
At about the fifteenth verse they came to the town of Tooraloo, and that
put a stop to the singing, because you can't sing in the public streets
unless you are a musician or a nuisance. The town of Tooraloo is one of
those dozing, snoozing, sausage-shaped places where all the people who
aren't asleep are only half awake, and where dogs pass away their lives
on the footpaths, and you fall over cows when taking your evening
stroll.
[Illustration]
There was a surprise awaiting them at Tooraloo, for the moment they
arrived two persons in bell-toppers and long-tailed coats ran out from
behind a fence and fell flat on their backs in the middle of the road,
yelling 'Help, help! thieves and ruffians are at work!'
The travellers naturally stared with amazement at this peculiar
conduct. The moment the persons in bell-toppers caught sight of them
they sprang up, and striking an attitude expressive of horror, shouted:
'Behold the puddin'-thieves!'
[Illustration]
'Behold the what?' exclaimed Bill.
'Puddin'-thieves,' said one of the bell-topperers. 'For well you know
that that dear Puddin' in your hand has been stolen from its parents and
guardians, which is ourselves.' And the other bell-topperer added, 'Deny
it not, for with that dear Puddin' in your hand your guilt is manifest.'
'Well, if this ain't enough to dumbfound a codfish,' exclaimed Bill.
'Here's two total strangers, disguised as undertakers, actually accusin'
us of stealin' our own Puddin'. Why, it's outside the bounds of
comprehension!'
'It's enough to stagger the senses,' said Sam.
'It's enough to daze the mind with horror,' said Bill.
'Come, come,' said the bell-topperers, 'cease these expressions of
amazement and hand over the stolen Puddin'.'
'What d'yer mean,' exclaimed Bill, 'by calling this a stolen Puddin'?
It's a respectable steak-and-kidney, apple-dumplin', grand digestive
Puddin', and any fellers in pot-hats sayin' it's a stolen Puddin' is
scoundrels of the deepest dye.'
'Never use such words to people wearing bell-toppers,' said one of the
bell-topperers, and the other added, 'With that dear Puddin' gazing up
to heaven, how can you use such words?'
'All very fine, no doubt,' sneered Bill, 'but if you ain't scoundrels of
the deepest dye, remove them hats and prove you ain't afraid to look us
in the eye.'
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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