The Magic Pudding: Being the Adventures of Bunyip Bluegum and His Friends Bill Barnacle & Sam SawnoffLindsay, Norman
General
The Magic Pudding: Being the Adventures of Bunyip Bluegum and His Friends Bill Barnacle & Sam Sawnoff
Lindsay, Norman
Animals -- Juvenile fiction; Australia -- Juvenile fiction; Fantasy literature; Humorous stories; Puddings -- Juvenile fiction
Bill was so enraged at this suggestion that he dashed his hat on
the ground and kicked it to relieve his feelings. "Law or no
law," he shouted, "I call on all hands to knock them bell-toppers
off."
All hands made a rush for the bell-topperers, who shouted, "An
Englishman's hat is his castle," and "Top-hats are sacred things;"
but they were overpowered by numbers, and their hats were
snatched off. "THE PUDDIN'-THIEVES!" shouted the company.
Those bell-toppers had disguised that snooting, snouting scoundrel,
the Possum, and his snoozing, boozing friend the Wombat! There
was an immense uproar over this discovery, Bill and Sam flapping
and snout-bending away at the puddin'-thieves, the puddin'thieves
roaring for mercy. Ben denounced them as bag snatchers, and Bunyip
Bluegum expressed his indignation in a fine burst of oratory,
beginning:
"Base, indeed, must be those scoundrels, who, lost to all sense of
decency and honour, boldly assume the outward semblance of worthy
citizens, and, by the pretentious nature of their appearance, not
only seek the better to impose upon the noble incredulity of
Puddin'-owners, but, with dastardly cunning, strike a blow at
Society's most sacred emblem-the pot-hat."
The uproar brought the Mayor of Tooraloo hastening to the scene,
followed by the local constable. The Mayor was a little, fat,
breathless, beetle-shaped man, who hastened with difficulty owing
to his robe of office being trodden on by the Constable, who ran
close behind him in order to finish eating a banana in secret. He
had some more bananas in a paper bag, and his face was one of those
feeble faces that make one think of eggs and carrots and feathers,
if you take my meaning.
"How now, how now!" shouted the Mayor. "A riot going on here,
a disturbance in the town of Tooraloo. Constable, arrest these
rioters and disturbers."
"Before going to extremes," said the Constable, in a tremulous
voice, "my advice to you is, read the Riot Act, and so have all
the honour and glory of stopping the riot yourself."
"Unfortunately," said the Mayor, "in the haste of departure, I
forgot to bring the Riot Act, so there's nothing else for it; you
must have all the honour and glory of quelling it."
"The trouble is," said the Constable, "that there are far too
manyrioters. One would have been quite sufficient. If there had
been only one small undersized rioter, I should have quelled him
with the utmost severity."
"Constable," said the Mayor, sternly, "in the name of His Majesty
the King I call on you to arrest these rioters without delay."
"Look here," said Bill, "you're labourin' under an error. This
ain't a riot at all. This is merely two puddin'-thieves gettin'
a hidin' for tryin' to steal our Puddin'."
"Puddin'-thieves! " exclaimed the Mayor. "Don't tell me that
puddin'-thieves have come to Tooraloo.
"It staggers me with pain and grief,
I can't believe it's true,
That we should have a puddin'-thief
Or two in Tooraloo.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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