The Magistrate: A Farce in Three Acts — John Shaqi
The Magistrate: A Farce in Three ActsPinero, Arthur Wing
General
The Magistrate: A Farce in Three Acts
Pinero, Arthur Wing
Comedy plays; English drama -- 19th century
[_Holding up his hand for silence._] Hush! Hush!
LUKYN.
What's the matter?
BLOND.
The police!
ALL.
[_In a whisper._] The police!
BLOND.
[_Quietly._] The police are downstairs at the door. I told you so.
CHARLOTTE.
[_Clinging to VALE._] Oh, dear! Oh, dear!
AGATHA POSKET.
Gracious powers!
BLOND.
Keep quiet, please. They may be satisfied with Madame Blond's
assurances. I must put you in darkness; they can see the light here if
they go round to the back.
[_Blows out candles, and turns down the other lights._
AGATHA POSKET AND CHARLOTTE.
Oh!
BLOND.
Keep quiet, please! My licence is once marked already. Colonel Lukyn,
thank you for this.
[_He goes out._
AGATHA POSKET.
[_Whimpering._] Miserable men! What have you done? Are you criminals?
CHARLOTTE.
You haven't deserted or anything on my account, have you, Horace?
LUKYN.
Hush! Don't be alarmed. Our time has passed so agreeably that we have
overstepped the prescribed hour for closing the hotel. That's all.
AGATHA POSKET.
What can they do to us?
LUKYN.
At the worst, take our names and addresses, and summon us for being
here during prohibited hours.
AGATHA POSKET.
Oh!
CHARLOTTE.
[_To VALE._] Horace, can't you speak?
VALE.
By Jove, I very much regret this.
_ISIDORE enters._
LUKYN.
Well, well?
ISIDORE.
I beg your pardon, the police have come in.
LUKYN.
The devil! [_To AGATHA POSKET._] My dear lady, don't faint at such a
moment.
_BLOND enters quickly, carrying a rug._
BLOND.
They are going over the house! Hide!
AGATHA POSKET AND CHARLOTTE.
Oh!
[_There is a general commotion._
BLOND.
They have put a man at the back. Keep away from the window. [_They are
all bustling, and everybody is talking in whispers; LUKYN places
AGATHA POSKET under the table, where she is concealed by the cover; he
gets behind the overcoats hanging from the pegs; VALE and CHARLOTTE
crouch down behind sofa._] Thank you very much. I am going to put
Isidore to bed on the sofa. That will explain the light which has just
gone out. [_ISIDORE quietly places himself upon the sofa; BLOND
covering him with the rug._] Thank you very much.
[_He goes out._
AGATHA POSKET.
[_In a stifled voice._] Charley! Charley!
CHARLOTTE.
Yes.
AGATHA POSKET.
Where are you?
CHARLOTTE.
Here.
AGATHA POSKET.
Oh, where is Captain Vale?
CHARLOTTE.
I think he's near me.
VALE.
By Jove, Charlotte, I am!
AGATHA POSKET.
Colonel Lukyn!
LUKYN.
[_From behind the coats._] Here, madam!
AGATHA POSKET.
Don't leave us.
LUKYN.
Madam, I am a soldier.
CHARLOTTE.
[_To VALE._] Oh, Horace, at such a moment what a comfort we must be to
each other.
VALE.
My dear Charlotte, it's incalculable.
[_ISIDORE gently raises himself and looks over the back of sofa._
CHARLOTTE.
[_In terror._] What's that?
ISIDORE.
[_Softly._] I beg your pardon.
_BLOND enters quietly, followed by CIS and MR. POSKET on tip-toe, MR.
POSKET holding on to CIS._
BLOND.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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