The Magistrate: A Farce in Three Acts — John Shaqi
The Magistrate: A Farce in Three ActsPinero, Arthur Wing
General
The Magistrate: A Farce in Three Acts
Pinero, Arthur Wing
Comedy plays; English drama -- 19th century
His duty! To send another magistrate's wife to prison! Guv, I'm only a
boy, but I know what professional etiquette is! Come along! Which is
the police station?
MR. POSKET.
Mulberry Street.
CIS.
Who's the magistrate?
MR. POSKET.
I am!
CIS.
You! [_Seizing MR. POSKET by the collar and shaking him._] You dare to
lock up my mother! Come with me and get her out!
[_He is dragging MR. POSKET towards the door, when MR. BULLAMY enters
breathlessly._
MR. BULLAMY.
My dear Posket!
CIS.
[_Seizing MR. BULLAMY and dragging him with MR. POSKET to the door._]
Come with me and get my mother out.
MR. BULLAMY.
Leave me alone, sir! She _is_ out! I managed it.
MR. POSKET AND CIS.
[_Together._] How?
MR. BULLAMY.
Wormington sent to me when you were taken ill. When I arrived at the
Court, he had discovered, from your man-servant, Mrs. Posket's awful
position.
CIS.
You leave my mother alone! Go on!
MR. BULLAMY.
Said I to myself, "This won't do, I must extricate these people
somehow!" [_To MR. POSKET._] I'm not so damned conscientious as you
are, Posket.
CIS.
Bravo! Go on!
MR. BULLAMY.
[_Producing his jujube box._] The first thing I did was to take a
jujube.
CIS.
[_Snatching the jujube box from him._] Will you make haste?
MR. BULLAMY.
Then said I to Wormington, "Posket was _non compos mentis_ when he
heard this case--I'm going to re-open the matter!"
CIS.
Hurrah!
MR. BULLAMY.
And I did! And what do you think I found out from the proprietor of
the hotel!
MR. POSKET AND CIS.
What?
MR. BULLAMY.
That this young scamp, Mr. Cecil Farringdon, hires a room at the
"Hotel des Princes."
CIS.
I know that.
MR. BULLAMY.
And that Mr. Farringdon was there last night with some low stockbroker
of the name of Skinner.
CIS.
Go on--go on! [_Offering him the jujube box._] Take a jujube!
MR. BULLAMY.
[_Taking a jujube._] Now the law, which seems to me quite perfect,
allows a man who rents a little apartment at an inn to eat and drink
with his friends all night long.
CIS.
Well?
MR. BULLAMY.
So said I from the bench, "These ladies and gentlemen appear to be
friends or relatives of a certain lodger in the 'Hotel des Princes.' "
CIS.
So they are!
MR. BULLAMY.
"They were all discovered in one room."
MR. POSKET.
So we were--I mean, so they were!
MR. BULLAMY.
"And I shall adjourn the case for a week to give Mr. Farringdon an
opportunity of claiming these people as his guests."
CIS.
Three cheers for Bullamy.
MR. BULLAMY.
So I censured the police for their interference and released the
ladies on their own recognisances.
MR. POSKET.
[_Taking MR. BULLAMY'S hand._] And the men?
MR. BULLAMY.
Well, unfortunately, Wormington took upon himself to despatch the men
to the House of Correction before I arrived.
MR. POSKET.
I'm glad of it! They are dissolute villains! I'm glad of it.
_POPHAM enters._
POPHAM.
Oh, sir! Here's the missis and Miss Verrinder! In such a plight!
CIS.
The mater! Guv, you explain!
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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