Humorous stories, American; United States -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction
The list dwindled, dwindled, dwindled, poor old Richards keeping tally of
the count, wincing when a name resembling his own was pronounced, and
waiting in miserable suspense for the time to come when it would be his
humiliating privilege to rise with Mary and finish his plea, which he was
intending to word thus: “... for until now we have never done any wrong
thing, but have gone our humble way unreproached. We are very poor, we
are old, and, have no chick nor child to help us; we were sorely tempted,
and we fell. It was my purpose when I got up before to make confession
and beg that my name might not be read out in this public place, for it
seemed to us that we could not bear it; but I was prevented. It was
just; it was our place to suffer with the rest. It has been hard for us.
It is the first time we have ever heard our name fall from any one’s
lips--sullied. Be merciful--for the sake or the better days; make our
shame as light to bear as in your charity you can.” At this point in his
reverie Mary nudged him, perceiving that his mind was absent. The house
was chanting, “You are f-a-r,” etc.
“Be ready,” Mary whispered. “Your name comes now; he has read eighteen.”
The chant ended.
“Next! next! next!” came volleying from all over the house.
Burgess put his hand into his pocket. The old couple, trembling, began
to rise. Burgess fumbled a moment, then said:
“I find I have read them all.”
Faint with joy and surprise, the couple sank into their seats, and Mary
whispered:
“Oh, bless God, we are saved!--he has lost ours--I wouldn’t give this for
a hundred of those sacks!”
The house burst out with its “Mikado” travesty, and sang it three times
with ever-increasing enthusiasm, rising to its feet when it reached for
the third time the closing line--
“But the Symbols are here, you bet!”
and finishing up with cheers and a tiger for “Hadleyburg purity and our
eighteen immortal representatives of it.”
Then Wingate, the saddler, got up and proposed cheers “for the cleanest
man in town, the one solitary important citizen in it who didn’t try to
steal that money--Edward Richards.”
They were given with great and moving heartiness; then somebody proposed
that “Richards be elected sole Guardian and Symbol of the now Sacred
Hadleyburg Tradition, with power and right to stand up and look the whole
sarcastic world in the face.”
Passed, by acclamation; then they sang the “Mikado” again, and ended it
with--
“And there’s _one_ Symbol left, you bet!”
There was a pause; then--
A Voice. “Now, then, who’s to get the sack?”
The Tanner (with bitter sarcasm). “That’s easy. The money has to be
divided among the eighteen Incorruptibles. They gave the suffering
stranger twenty dollars apiece--and that remark--each in his turn--it
took twenty-two minutes for the procession to move past. Staked the
stranger--total contribution, $360. All they want is just the loan
back--and interest--forty thousand dollars altogether.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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