The Man Upstairs and Other StoriesWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
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The Man Upstairs and Other Stories
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Humorous stories, English
Mr Barstowe gave tongue. He was a slim, tall, sickeningly beautiful
young man, with large, dark eyes, full of expression.
'We develop,' he said. 'The years go by, and we develop. Our souls
expand--timidly at first, like little, half-fledged birds stealing out
from the--'
'I don't know that I'm so set on shooting today, myself,' said Martin.
'Will you come round the links?'
'I am going out in the motor with Mr Barstowe,' said Elsa.
'The motor!' cried Mr Barstowe. 'Ah, Rossiter, that is the very poetry
of motion. I never ride in a motor-car without those words of
Shakespeare's ringing in my mind: "I'll put a girdle round about the
earth in forty minutes."'
'I shouldn't give way to that sort of thing if I were you,' said
Martin. 'The police are pretty down on road-hogging in these parts.'
'Mr Barstowe was speaking figuratively,' said Elsa, with disdain.
'Was he?' grunted Martin, whose sorrows were tending to make him every
day more like a sulky schoolboy. 'I'm afraid I haven't got a poetic
soul.'
'I'm afraid you haven't,' said Elsa.
There was a brief silence. A bird made itself heard in a neighbouring
tree.
'"The moan of doves in immemorial elms,"' quoted Mr Barstowe, softly.
'Only it happens to be a crow in a beech,' said Martin, as the bird
flew out.
Elsa's chin tilted itself in scorn. Martin turned on his heel and
walked away.
'It's the wrong way, sir; it's the wrong way,' said a voice. 'I was
hobserving you from a window, sir. It's Lady Angelica over again.
Hopposition is useless, believe me, sir.'
Martin faced round, flushed and wrathful. The butler went on unmoved:
'Miss Elsa is going for a ride in the car today, sir.'
'I know that.'
'Uncommonly tricky things, these motor-cars. I was saying so to
Roberts, the chauffeur, just as soon as I 'eard Miss Elsa was going out
with Mr Barstowe. I said, "Roberts, these cars is tricky; break down
when you're twenty miles from hanywhere as soon as look at you.
Roberts," I said, slipping him a sovereign, "'ow awful it would be if
the car should break down twenty miles from hanywhere today!"'
Martin stared.
'You bribed Roberts to--'
'Sir! I gave Roberts the sovereign because I am sorry for him. He is a
poor man, and has a wife and family to support.'
'Very well,' said Martin, sternly; 'I shall go and warn Miss Keith.'
'Warn her, sir!'
'I shall tell her that you have bribed Roberts to make the car break
down so that--'
Keggs shook his head.
'I fear she would hardly credit the statement, sir. She might even
think that you was trying to keep her from going for your own pussonal
ends.'
'I believe you are the devil,' said Martin.
'I 'ope you will come to look on me, sir,' said Keggs, unctuously, 'as
your good hangel.'
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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