The Man Upstairs and Other StoriesWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
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The Man Upstairs and Other Stories
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Humorous stories, English
'Yes. But--'
'That's all right, then. I'll ring you up every day.'
'I wish I could make some money,' said Owen, thoughtfully. 'But I seem
to be one of those chaps who can't. Nothing I try comes off. I've never
drawn anything except a blank in a sweep. I spent about two pounds on
sixpenny postal orders when the Limerick craze was on, and didn't win a
thing. Once when I was on tour I worked myself to a shadow, dramatizing
a novel. Nothing came of that, either.'
'What novel?'
'A thing called _White Roses,_ by a woman named Edith Butler.'
Audrey looked up quickly.
'I suppose you knew her very well? Were you great friends?'
'I didn't know her at all. I'd never met her. I just happened to buy
the thing at a bookstall, and thought it would make a good play. I
expect it was pretty bad rot. Anyhow, she never took the trouble to
send it back or even to acknowledge receipt.'
'Perhaps she never got it?'
'I registered it.'
'She was a cat,' said Audrey, decidedly. 'I'm glad of it, though. If
another woman had helped you make a lot of money, I should have died of
jealousy.'
Routine is death to heroism. For the first few days after his parting
with Mr Sheppherd, Owen was in heroic mood, full of vaguely dashing
schemes, regarding the world as his oyster, and burning to get at it,
sword in hand. But routine, with its ledgers and its copying-ink and
its customers, fell like a grey cloud athwart his horizon, blotting out
rainbow visions of sudden wealth, dramatically won. Day by day the glow
faded and hopelessness grew.
If the glow did not entirely fade it was due to Audrey, who more than
fulfilled her promise of ringing him up on the telephone. She rang him
up at least once, frequently several times, every day, a fact which was
noted and commented upon in a harshly critical spirit by the head of
his department, a man with no soul and a strong objection to doing his
subordinates' work for them.
As a rule, her conversation, though pleasing, was discursive and lacked
central motive, but one morning she had genuine news to impart.
'Owen'--her voice was excited--'have you seen the paper today? Then
listen. I'll read it out. Are you listening? This is what it says: "The
Piccadilly Theatre will reopen shortly with a dramatized version of
Miss Edith Butler's popular novel, _White Roses_, prepared by the
authoress herself. A strong cast is being engaged, including--" And
then a lot of names. What are you going to do about it, Owen?'
'What am I going to do?'
'Don't you see what's happened? That awful woman has stolen your play.
She has waited all these years, hoping you would forget. What are you
laughing at?'
'I wasn't laughing.'
'Yes, you were. It tickled my ear. I'll ring off if you do it again.
You don't believe me. Well, you wait and see if I'm not--'
'Edith Butler's incapable of such a thing.'
There was a slight pause at the other end of the wire.
'I thought you said you didn't know her,' said Audrey, jealously.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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