The Man Upstairs and Other StoriesWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
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The Man Upstairs and Other Stories
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Humorous stories, English
'I don't--I don't,' said Owen, hastily. 'But I've read her books.
They're simply chunks of superfatted sentiment. She's a sort of
literary onion. She compels tears. A woman like that couldn't steal a
play if she tried.'
'You can't judge authors from their books. You must go and see the play
when it comes on. Then you'll see I'm right. I'm absolutely certain
that woman is trying to swindle you. Don't laugh in that horrid way.
Very well, I told you I should ring off, and now I'm going to.'
At the beginning of the next month Owen's annual holiday arrived. The
authorities of the London and Suburban Bank were no niggards. They
recognized that a man is not a machine. They gave their employees ten
days in the year in which to tone up their systems for another twelve
months' work.
Owen spent his boyhood in the Shropshire village of which his father
had been rector, and thither he went when his holiday came round, to
the farm of one Dorman. He was glad of the chance to get to Shropshire.
There is something about the country there, with its green fields and
miniature rivers, that soothes the wounded spirit and forms a pleasant
background for sentimental musings.
It was comfortable at the farm. The household consisted of Mr Dorman,
an old acquaintance, his ten-year-old son George, and Mr Dorman's
mother, an aged lady with a considerable local reputation as a wise
woman. Rumour had it that the future held no mysteries for her, and it
was known that she could cure warts, bruised fingers, and even the
botts by means of spells.
Except for these, Owen had fancied that he was alone in the house. It
seemed not, however. There was a primeval piano in his sitting-room,
and on the second morning it suited his mood to sit down at this and
sing 'Asthore', the fruity pathos of which ballad appealed to him
strongly at this time, accompanying himself by an ingenious arrangement
in three chords. He had hardly begun, however, when Mr Dorman appeared,
somewhat agitated.
'If you don't mind, Mr Owen,' he said. 'I forgot to tell you. There's a
lit'ery gent boarding with me in the room above, and he can't bear to
be disturbed.'
A muffled stamping from the ceiling bore out his words.
'Writing a book he is,' continued Mr Dorman. 'He caught young George a
clip over the ear-'ole yesterday for blowing his trumpet on the stairs.
Gave him sixpence afterwards, and said he'd skin him if he ever did it
again. So, if you don't mind--'
'Oh, all right,' said Owen. 'Who is he?'
'Gentleman of the name of Prosser.'
Owen could not recollect having come across any work by anyone of that
name; but he was not a wide reader; and, whether the man above was a
celebrity or not, he was entitled to quiet.
'I never heard of him,' he said, 'but that's no reason why I should
disturb him. Let him rip. I'll cut out the musical effects in future.'
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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