The Man Upstairs and Other StoriesWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
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The Man Upstairs and Other Stories
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Humorous stories, English
The days passed smoothly by. The literary man remained invisible,
though occasionally audible, tramping the floor in the frenzy of
composition. Nor, until the last day of his visit, did Owen see old Mrs
Dorman.
That she was not unaware of his presence in the house, however, was
indicated on the last morning. He was smoking an after-breakfast pipe
at the open window and waiting for the dog-cart that was to take him to
the station, when George, the son of the house, entered.
George stood in the doorway, grinned, and said:
'Farsezjerligranmatellyerforchbythecards?'
'Eh?' said Owen.
The youth repeated the word.
'Once again.'
On the second repetition light began to creep in. A boyhood spent in
the place, added to this ten days' stay, had made Owen something of a
linguist.
'Father says would I like grandma to do what?'
'Tell yer forch'n by ther cards.'
'Where is she?'
'Backyarnder.'
Owen followed him into the kitchen, where he found Mr Dorman, the
farmer, and, seated at the table, fumbling with a pack of cards, an old
woman, whom he remembered well.
'Mother wants to tell your fortune,' said Mr Dorman, in a hoarse aside.
'She always will tell visitors' fortunes. She told Mr Prosser's, and he
didn't half like it, because she said he'd be engaged in two months and
married inside the year. He said wild horses wouldn't make him do it.'
'She can tell me that if she likes. I shan't object.'
'Mother, here's Mr Owen.'
'I seed him fast enough,' said the old woman, briskly. 'Shuffle, an' cut
three times.'
She then performed mysterious manoeuvres with the cards.
'I see pots o' money,' announced the sibyl.
'If she says it, it's there right enough,' said her son.
'She means my bonus,' said Owen. 'But that's only ten pounds. And I lose
it if I'm late twice more before Christmas.'
'It'll come sure enough.'
'Pots,' said the old woman, and she was still mumbling the encouraging
word when Owen left the kitchen and returned to the sitting-room.
He laughed rather ruefully. At that moment he could have found a use
for pots o' money.
He walked to the window, and looked out. It was a glorious morning. The
heat-mist was dancing over the meadow beyond the brook, and from the
farmyard came the liquid charawks of care-free fowls. It seemed wicked
to leave these haunts of peace for London on such a day.
An acute melancholy seized him. Absently, he sat down at the piano. The
prejudices of literary Mr Prosser had slipped from his mind. Softly at
first, then gathering volume as the spirit of the song gripped him, he
began to sing 'Asthore'. He became absorbed.
He had just, for the sixth time, won through to 'Iyam-ah waiting for-er
theeee-yass-thorre,' and was doing some intricate three-chord work
preparatory to starting over again, when a loaf of bread whizzed past
his ear. It missed him by an inch, and crashed against a plaster
statuette of the Infant Samuel on the top of the piano.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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