I had a sudden impulse to go to him and unbosom myself on the score of
my own _bambimi_ and my own aspirations for them—but somehow I could
not. That is an island girdled, not only by ordinary reticence, which
is with me a vice, but by a host of emotions like those flames that
circled the sleeping goddess. I am not a Latin; I cannot bubble forth
my inmost hopes or flaunt my heart upon my sleeve.
Sunday evening—after a wonderful walk with Alicia through the already
waning woods of Westchester. There has been a certain air of gravity
overhanging her, of contrition perhaps, that stabbed with pain. I
realized then to what degree her blithe spirit and the starry laughter
of her eyes had been the wine of my recent life. I could not tolerate
her seeming depression. Besides, there was the matter of her education
to be discussed. Jimmie clamored to go with us, but this time even his
privileged position did not avail him. I desired to be alone with
Alicia.
Was it my mood, I wonder, or do the woods in reality begin to whisper a
farewell in the decline of the year? Every tree, even to the youngest
sapling, seemed to nod to us as we walked and to rustle a murmur like
the leavetaking of a pilgrim bent on a lengthy journey. I have ever
been impatient of reading descriptions of nature and have chimed with
the scoffers at the pathetic fallacy. Nevertheless, I can bemuse myself
for hours listening to the wind among the tree tops or gazing at the
haze upon the hills; and in a slow measured rhythm, as if having endless
time before them, they invariably spell a message,—a message infinitely
sad, but for the creative laughing sun that rides triumphant, high over
all.
"Come, Alicia!" I broke out brusquely, joining the sun in his laughter,
"we have some bright things to talk over. Don’t let us allow the woods
to lull us. They are going to sleep; we are not. Here you are ready
for college. Isn’t that soul-stirring?"
She emerged from her reverie as a person shaken from a drowse and smiled
with, a distant look in her eyes.
"Bright things," she murmured pensively; "everything that has happened
to me since I came to you has been bright, and everything soul-stirring.
That’s what makes it so hard, Uncle Ranny—I have been so useless. What
good am I?"
I laughed uproariously enough to make the woods shake. Did Alicia know
how much I enjoyed combating such statements or did she really mean it?
"You have been—" I wanted to tell her banteringly that she had been a
burden and a drag upon my household, a weight not to be borne—but I
perceived that she was more than serious. She was sad.
"Now you are, of course, talking nonsense," I answered flatly. "But
there is college before you; that ought to cure all that. Perhaps
you’re a little morbid. Bright associations will change that."
"But how," she protested, "can you talk of sending me to college—with
all the expense? And I so worthless?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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