Conduct of life -- Fiction; Man-woman relationships -- Fiction; Physicians -- Fiction
His attitude remained unchanged, his hands thrust deep into his
trouser-pockets. Opposite each other, both reviewed the past. She
waited for him to come to her--to touch her. Yes, the reality was barer
than the picture that she had seen.
"When was it?" she murmured.
"It was some weeks ago."
"So long?"
He left the hearth moodily, and began to pace the room from end to end.
The woman did not stir. The memory was with her of the morning that
he had avowed this marriage--of the agony that had wept to her for
pity--of the clasp that would not let her go. She looked abstractedly
at the fire; but in her heart she saw his every step, and counted the
turns that kept him from her side.
"It makes a great difference!" he said abruptly.
The consciousness of the difference was flooding her reason, yet she
did not speak. It should not be by her that the sanctification of her
sacrifice was broached. The wish, the reminder, the reparation, all
should be his! She nodded assent.
"A great difference," he repeated hoarsely. He smeared the dampness
from his mouth and chin. "If--if my reputation were made now, Mary, I
should ask you to be my wife."
And then she did not speak. There was an instant in which the wall swam
before her in a haze, and the floor lurched. In the next, she was still
fronting the fireplace; she was staring at it with the same intentness
of regard; and his voice was sounding again, though she heard it dully:
"--while a poor due can't choose! I would--I'd ask you to marry me.
I know what you've been to me--I don't forget--I know very well! But,
as it is, it'd be madness--it'd be putting a rope round my own neck.
I want you to hear how I'm situated. I want you to listen to the
circumstances----"
"You won't ... make amends?"
"I tell you I'm not my own master."
"You tell me that--that we're to part! We can't remain together any
longer unless I'm your wife."
"We can't remain together any longer at all; that's what I'm coming
to." He went back to the mantelpiece, and leant his elbows on it,
kicking the half-hot coals. "I'm going to marry Miss Westland!"
He had said it; the echo of the utterance sung in his ears. Behind
him her figure was motionless--its its--stillness frightened him.
Intensified by the riotous ticking of the clock, through which his
pulses were strained for the relief of a rustle, a breath, the pause
grew unendurable.
"For God's sake, why don't you say something?" he exclaimed. He faced
her impetuously, and they looked at each other across the table. "Mary,
it's my chance in life! She cares for me, don't you see? You think me a
scoundrel--don't you see what a chance it is? What can I come to as I
am? With her--she'll get on, she has money--I shall rise, I shall be a
manager, I shall get to London in time. Mary!"
"You're going to ... marry Miss Westland?"
"I must," he said.
For the veriest second it was as if she struggled to understand. Then
she threw out her hands dizzily, crying out.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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