Conduct of life -- Fiction; Man-woman relationships -- Fiction; Physicians -- Fiction
"That is what your love was, then--a lie, a shameful lie?"
"It wasn't; no, Mary, it was real! I cared for you--I did; the thing is
forced on me!"
"'Cared'? when you use your liberty like this? You 'cared'? And I
pitied you--you wrung the soul of me with your despair--I forgave you
keeping back the tale so long. I came to you to be your wife, and you
went down on your knees and vowed you hadn't had the courage to tell
me before, but your wife was living--some awful woman you couldn't
divorce. I gave myself to you, I became the thing you can turn out of
doors, all because I loved you, all because I believed in your love
for me." She caught at her throat. "You deserved it, didn't you?--you
justify it now so nobly, the faith that has made me a ----"
"Mary!"
"Oh, I can say it!" she burst forth hysterically. "I _am_, you know;
you have made me one--you and your 'love'! Why shouldn't I say it?"
"I told you the truth; if I had been free at that time----"
"When did you hear the news of the death? Answer me--it wasn't
to-night?"
"What's the difference," he muttered, "when I heard?"
"Oh!" she moaned, "go away from me, don't come near me! You coward!"
She sank on to the edge of the sofa, rocking herself to and fro. The
man roamed aimlessly around. Once or twice he glanced across at her,
but she paid no heed. His pipe was on the sideboard; he filled it
clumsily, and drew at it in nervous pulls.
He was the first to speak again.
"I know I seem a hound, I know it all looks very bad; but I don't
suppose there's a man in five hundred who would refuse such an
opportunity, for all that. No, nor one in five thousand, either! You
won't see it in an unprejudiced light, of course; but it seems to
me--yes, it does, and I can't help saying so--that if you were really
as fond of me as you think, if my interests were really dear to you,
you yourself 'd counsel me to leap at the chance, and, what's more,
feel honestly glad that a prospect of success had come in my way....
You know what it means to me," he went on querulously; "you have been
in the profession--at least, as good as in the profession--three years;
you know that, in the ordinary course of events, I should never get any
higher than I am, never play in London in my life. You know I've gone
as far as I can ever expect to go without influence to back me, that
in ten years' time I should be exactly what I am now, a leading-man
for second-rate tours; and that ten years later I should be playing
heavy fathers, or Lord knows what, still on the road, and done for--the
fire all spent, wasted and worn out in the provinces. That's what it
would be; you've heard me say it again and again; and I should go on
seeing Miss Somebody's son, and Mr. Somebody-else's-daughter, with
their parents' names to get them the engagements, playing prominent
business in London theatres before they've learnt how to walk across
a stage. Miss Westland's a fine-looking girl, and she knows a lot of
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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