And presently he found out that he, too, did not love. But that was
all. Then and afterwards that was, damnably, all. He did not love, but
neither did he hate. He had never loved her deeply enough to hate her.
That was the tragedy of Sam’s marriage: indifference, the deadliest sin.
He was indifferent to her, to her untidiness and even to her
extravagance. She could not treat clothes reasonably, she did not know
how to wear them when she had them, but she lusted madly to possess
them. She was grossly, inexcusably extravagant, and he was indifferent.
He was indifferent because he was growing rich, and wanted his energies
for the purpose of growing richer, not of quarrelling with her.
That was another tragedy. They never quarrelled. They never cleared the
air, they never flushed the drain. They did not make adjustments, but
left things where they were, in a bad place. On honeymoon, they turned
from looking at each other to look at London, and at home, after one
experience of revelation, they did not seek another, but rebounded and
looked anywhere but at themselves.
But Peter was looking, and Anne, through the eyes of George, was
looking, and it seemed to her that things were happening as she had
expected they would happen. She had said the girl was no good and what
George told her in his fumbling way gave her to see that the girl turned
wife was equally no good. Anne tightened her lips grimly and went on
with her efficient charring. She thought her time would come.
Peter looked for the coming of love to bless this marriage to which he
had consented in the belief that his God of love would sanctify. He
had trusted to the strength of Sam, and to the hope that Sam’s strength
would turn to sweetness; and it only turned to business. It did not
lead Ada from materialism, but drew Peter himself, unwittingly at
first, towards it. Peter found himself selecting texts for Sam’s “Church
Child’s Calendar,” a labour of love, which nevertheless had nothing to
do with Ada, except in the most indirect way, and nothing to do with the
Sam and Ada situation.
It was the fact that, to them, there seemed to be no situation which
distressed Peter. They simply let things be, and things let be obey
the law of gravity. He hoped, ardently, for children. Children blessed
marriage in the physical sense, and from that blessing the other, the
spiritual blessing, might arise.
There was at one time hope that Ada might have a child... and then the
hope was blighted, and the doctor told them not to hope again. Ada would
never be a mother.
“I could have told them that,” said Anne. “You’d only to look at the
girl to see it.” Which may only have been wisdom after the event, but
certainly did not imply that Anne was disappointed; though Peter was,
and bitterly.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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