matter that could not be explained? There were faces with far more
tragic meaning in them than could be so easily explained as that--the
faces of men, alas! and women too, who were going to destruction as fast
as their hurrying feet could carry them; or else were languidly drifting
no one knew where--out of life altogether, out of all that was good in
life. John Tatham knew this very well too, and had it in him to do
anything a man could to stop the wanderers in their downward career. But
to-night he was thinking of none of these things. He was only wondering
how she would explain it, how she could explain it, what she would say;
and lingering to prolong his suspense, not to know too soon what it was.
At last, however, as there is no delay but must come to an end one time
or another, he found himself at last in his room, in his smoking-coat
and slippers, divested of his stiff collar--at his ease, the windows
open upon the quiet of the Temple Gardens, a little fresh air breathing
in. He had taken all this trouble to secure ease for himself, to put
off a little the reading of the letter. Now the moment had come when
it would be absurd to delay any longer. It was so natural to see her
familiar handwriting--not a lady's hand, angular and pointed, like her
mother's, but the handwriting of her generation, which looks as if it
were full of character, until one perceives that it _is_ the writing of
the generation, and all the girls and boys write much the same. He took
time for this reflection still as he tore open the envelope. There were
two sheets very well filled, and written in at the corners, so that no
available spot was lost. "My dear old John," were the first words he
saw. He put down the letter and thought over the address. Well, she had
always called him so. He was old John when he was fourteen, to little
Elinor. They had always known each other like that--like brother and
sister. But not particularly like brother and sister--like cousins twice
removed, which is a more interesting tie in some particulars. And now
for the letter.
"MY DEAR OLD JOHN: I want to tell you myself of a great thing that has
happened to me--the very greatest thing that could happen in one's
life. Oh, John, dear old John, I feel as if I had nobody else I could
open my heart to; for mamma--well, mamma is mamma, a dear mother and a
good one; but you know she has her own ways of thinking----"
He put down the letter again with a rueful little laugh. "And have not I
my own ways of thinking, too?" he said to himself.
"Jack dear," continued the letter, "you must give me your sympathy, all
your sympathy. You never were in love, I suppose (oh, what an odious
way that is of putting it! but it spares one's feelings a little, for
even in writing it is too tremendous a thing to say quite gravely and
seriously, as one feels it). Dear John, I know you never were in love,
or you would have told me; but still----"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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