The Master of Mrs. Chilvers: An Improbable ComedyJerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
General
The Master of Mrs. Chilvers: An Improbable Comedy
Jerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
England -- Drama
LAMB. (_After a moment’s silence_.) Quite sure you do?
GEOFFREY. (_Turns_.)
LAMB. Ever seen a sheep fighting mad? I have. Damned sight worse than
the old ram.
GEOFFREY. She doesn’t fight the ram.
LAMB. (_He makes a sweeping movement that takes in the room_, _the
election—all things_.) What’s all this? We thought woman hadn’t got the
fighting instinct—that we “knew her.” My boy, we’re in the infants’
class.
SIGSBY. If you want to be his Majesty’s Under-Secretary for Home
Affairs, you take my tip, guv’nor, you’ll win this election.
GEOFFREY. What more can I do than I’m doing? How can I countenance this
sort of thing? (_He indicates the posters_.) Declare myself dead
against the whole movement?
LAMB. You’ll do it later. May as well do it soon.
GEOFFREY. Why must I do it?
LAMB. Because you’re beginning to find out what it means.
(_A pause_. _The door is open_. ANNYS _is standing there_.)
ANNYS. Dare we venture into the enemy’s camp?
(_She enters_, _laughing_, _followed by_ ELIZABETH _and_ PHOEBE. ANNYS
is somewhat changed _from the grave_, _dreamy_ ANNYS _of a short week
ago_. _She is brimming over with vitality—excitement_. _There is a
decisiveness_, _an egoism_, _about her that seems new to her_. _The
women’s skirts make a flutter_. _A breeze seems to have entered_.
ANNYS _runs to her husband_. _For the moment the election fades away_.
_They are all smiles_, _tenderness for one another_.)
ANNYS. Don’t tell, will you? Mamma would be so shocked. Do you know
you haven’t been near me for three days?
GEOFFREY. Umph! I like that. Where were you last night?
ANNYS. Last night? In the neighbourhood of Leicester Square till three
o’clock. Oh, Geoff, there’s such a lot wants altering!
(_She turns to greet the others_.)
GEOFFREY. Your ruining your health won’t do it. You’re looking fagged
to death.
ANNYS. (_She shakes hands with_ SIGSBY.) How are you? (_To_ LAMB.)
I’m so glad you’re helping him. (_She turns again to_ GEOFFREY.) Pure
imagination, dearest. I never felt better in my life.
GEOFFREY. Umph! Look at all those lines underneath your eyes. (_He
shakes hands with_ ELIZABETH.) How do you do? (_To_ PHOEBE.) How are
you?
ANNYS. (_She comes back to him—makes to smooth the lines from his
forehead_.) Look at all those, there. We’ll run away together for a
holiday, when it’s all over. What are you doing this evening?
SIGSBY. You promised to speak at a Smoker to-night; the Bow and Bromley
Buffaloes.
ANNYS. Oh, bother the Buffaloes. Take me out to dinner. I am free
after seven.
(MRS. CHINN _has entered—is arranging the table for tea_. ANNYS _goes
to her_.)
How are you, Mrs. Chinn?
MRS. CHINN. (_She wipes her hand on her apron before taking_ ANNYS’S
_proffered hand_.)
GEOFFREY. (_To_ SIGSBY.) I can turn up there later in the evening.
(_He joins the others for a moment—talks with them_.)
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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