The Master of Mrs. Chilvers: An Improbable ComedyJerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
General
The Master of Mrs. Chilvers: An Improbable Comedy
Jerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
England -- Drama
He is interested in all things,
M.L.E.F.W._) the Woman’s Movement included.
BEN LAMB, M.P. As a student of woman, he admits
to being in the infants’ class.
SIGSBY An Election Agent. He thinks the
modern woman suffers from
over-indulgence. He would
recommend to her the teachings of
St. Paul.
HAKE A butler. He does not see how to
avoid his wife being practically
a domestic servant without wages.
A DEPUTATION It consists of two men and three
women. Superior people would
call them Cranks. But Cranks
have been of some service to the
world, and the use of superior
people is still to be discovered.
THE FIRST ACT
SCENE:—_Drawing-room_, 91, _Russell Square_.
TIME:—_Afternoon_.
(MRS. ELIZABETH SPENDER _sits near the fire_, _reading a book_. _She is
a tall_, _thin woman_, _with passionate eyes_, _set in an oval face of
olive complexion_; _the features are regular and severe_; _her massive
dark hair is almost primly arranged_. _She wears a tailor-made costume_,
_surmounted by a plain black hat_. _The door opens and_ PHOEBE _enters_,
_shown in by_ HAKE, _the butler_, _a thin_, _ascetic-looking man of about
thirty_, _with prematurely grey hair_. PHOEBE MOGTON _is of the Fluffy
Ruffles type_, _petite_, _with a retroussé nose_, _remarkably bright
eyes_, _and a quantity of fluffy light hair_, _somewhat untidily
arranged_. _She is fashionably dressed in the fussy_, _flyaway style_.
ELIZABETH _looks up_; _the two young women shake hands_.)
PHOEBE. Good woman. ’Tisn’t three o’clock yet, is it?
ELIZABETH. About five minutes to.
PHOEBE. Annys is on her way. I just caught her in time. (_To_ HAKE.)
Put a table and six chairs. Give mamma a hammer and a cushion at her
back.
HAKE. A hammer, miss?
PHOEBE. A chairman’s hammer. Haven’t you got one?
HAKE. I’m afraid not, miss. Would a gravy spoon do?
PHOEBE (_To_ ELIZABETH, _after expression of disgust_.) Fancy a house
without a chairman’s hammer! (_To_ HAKE.) See that there’s something.
Did your wife go to the meeting last night?
HAKE (_He is arranging furniture according to instructions_.) I’m not
quite sure, miss. I gave her the evening out.
PHOEBE. “Gave her the evening out”!
ELIZABETH. We are speaking of your wife, man, not your servant.
HAKE. Yes, miss. You see, we don’t keep servants in our class.
Somebody’s got to put the children to bed.
ELIZABETH. Why not the man—occasionally?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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