The Master of Mrs. Chilvers: An Improbable Comedy — John Shaqi
The Master of Mrs. Chilvers: An Improbable ComedyJerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
General
The Master of Mrs. Chilvers: An Improbable Comedy
Jerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
England -- Drama
(_A silence_.)
Might it not be established on a more workable, a more enduring basis if
woman were allowed a share in the shaping of it?
(_Some woman in the crowd starts the refrain_, “_We’ll hang old Asquith
on a sour apple tree_.” _It is taken up with quiet earnestness by
others_.)
SIGSBY. Shaping it! Nice sort of shape it will be by the time that lot
(_with a gesture_, _including the crowd_, LADY MOGTON & CO.) have done
knocking it about. Wouldn’t be any next generation to be surprised at
anything if some of them had their way.
ST. HERBERT. The housebreakers come first—not a class of work demanding
much intelligence; the builders come later. Have you seen Chilvers?
LAMB. I left him at the House. He couldn’t get away.
SIGSBY. There’s your object-lesson for you. We don’t need to go far. A
man’s whole career ruined by the wife he nourishes.
ST. HERBERT. How do you mean, “ruined?”
SIGSBY. So it is. If she wins the election and claims the seat. Do you
think the Cabinet will want him? Their latest addition compelled to
appeal to the House of Commons to fight for him against his own
womenfolk. (_Grunts_.) He’ll be the laughing-stock of the whole
country.
ST. HERBERT. Do you know for certain that they mean to claim the seat?
SIGSBY. “Wait and see” is their answer.
LAMB. Hasn’t Chilvers any idea?
SIGSBY. Can’t get him to talk. Don’t think he’s seen her since that
shindy over the Deputation.
LAMB. Humph!
SIGSBY. Even if she herself wished to draw back, the others would
overrule her.
LAMB. I’m not so sure of that. She’s got a way of shutting her mouth
that reminds me of my old woman.
SIGSBY. The arrangement, as he explained it to me, was that the whole
thing was to end with the polling. It was to have been a mere joke, a
mere _ballon d’essai_. The mistake he made was thinking he could depend
on her.
LAMB. Guess she made the same mistake. You can fight and shake hands
afterwards; it doesn’t go with kissing.
SIGSBY. Man and woman were not made to fight. It was never intended.
(_The woman’s_ “_Marseillaise_” _has been taken up by the crowd_. _The
chorus has been reached_.)
Oh, damn your row! (_He slams to the window_; _it was ajar_.)
(JAWBONES _has entered_, _with his purchases_.)
(_Turning from window he sees_ JAWBONES, _goes to meet him_.) Couldn’t
they do anything?
JAWBONES. (_He has bought a new hat_; _has also brought back the
remains_. _He shakes his head_.) No good for anything else but a
memento.
SIGSBY. (_With a grunt he snatches the thing and flings it into a
corner_. _Tries on the new one_.)
JAWBONES. ’Ow’s it feel?
(SIGSBY, _with the help of_ JAWBONES, _attends to his appearance_.)
LAMB. (_To_ ST. HERBERT.) No use talking to her, I suppose?
ST. HERBERT. (_Shrugs his shoulders_.) She’ll do what she imagines to
be her duty. Women are so uncivilised.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account