Produced by Dagny and Frank J. Morlock This Etext is for private use only. No republication for profit in print or other media may be made without the express consent of the Copyright Holder. The Copyright Holder is especially concerned about performance rights in any media on stage, cinema, or television, or audio or any other media, including readings for which an entrance fee or the like is charged. Permissions should be addressed to: Frank Morlock, 6006 Greenbelt Rd, #312, Greenbelt, MD 20770, USA or frankmorlock@msn.com. Other works by this author may be found at http://www.cadytech.com/dumas/personnage.asp?key=130 THE MCNAUGHTENS A play based on the Menechemes of Regnard Translated and adapted by F. J. Morlock C 1986 by F. J. Morlock CHARACTERS McNaughten Captain McNaughten Mr. Hastings, Flavella's father Flavella, his daughter Urania, Hastings' older sister Jenny, Urania's maid Spruce, the Captain's valet Mr. Torrington, a solicitor Squire Mr. Bronlow, a merchant ACT I. Scene I. A street in London. Captain McNaughten comes in, looking for his valet. Captain I am quite beside myself. A curse on Spruce! I think he was born for the sole purpose of enraging me. I am not going to put up with him any longer. The scoundrel always tries my patience to the limits. He knows very well that I am waiting for him on tenterhooks-- But now I see him coming. Where have you been, rogue? Tell me. (Spruce enters, carrying a heavy trunk which he first puts down and then sits on, without responding to the Captain.) Captain Speak, reply! Spruce For the moment, sir, I have nothing to say. Let me get my breath a moment, please--I'm totally winded. Captain Do you always intend to put me in a fury and then play with me? I don't know what prevents me from giving you a beating. What, you rogue, just to go off to the custom house to get my trunk, takes you all day? Spruce Oh, sir, customs inspectors are terrible men. All the savages in the world are less barbarous. They can only talk in monosyllables. "yes, no, what, sir? I have no time. But, sir-- Would you kindly open up--" They need maybe a hundred words in their vocabulary. They give me a headache. Finally, when you need them for something, they're more proud and stuck up than an archbishop. Captain What! Do you mean to pretend you stayed at the customs house until just now? Spruce Oh, no. Seeing the customs inspector was about to take more than an hour--besides, he had a disagreeable phiz--I preferred to wait at a tavern. Captain Your yen for brew always gets the best of you. Does wine command you always? Spruce Everyone has his weakness, sir.-- As you are well aware. It's the bad example more than the brew that puts me down the wrong road. I'd really like to live a clean life-- Captain Why do you always keep bad company, then?